Chris G’s Best Yelp Reviews: Alta Coffee – 3/5 Stars

Alta Coffee
$ Coffee & Tea, Breakfast & Brunch
506 31st St
Newport Beach, CA 92663

The two baristas at Alta were the dichotomy to an ancient Greek Tragedy and Comedy the night I went. It was the tale of two baristas. The guy with a beard and tattoos was so jovial while the guy with a cast on his hand was so jaded that both were in stark contrast to each other.

While I preferred jovial with tattoos, jaded I was sympathetic to. Jovial was so helpful, he gave me three alternative routes to getting out of the peninsula if I was to get lost and somehow miss the very obvious bridge.

Jaded was so miserable, I purposely took an extra second to get my money out a little longer to watch him get increasingly irritated. He was so moody while he was making the drinks, it was funny to watch his uninhibited emotions and curt responses to the demanding atmosphere around him. Hey, it’s tough to steam drinks with a cast and it’s impossible to do much else like swim, hold beer, jack off and use TiVo with your left hand. There are probably too many lonely nights with his five huskies at his parents’ mansion off Newport Coast. Cheer up, sad one.

Alta is okay. I give the gimp unfriendly guy credit for sufficiently warming the soy chai. (No foam but I didn’t expect any.) The lack of reliable wifi and power outlets was somewhat of a disillusion. It seems like more of an enjoyable place to come during the day than at night.

Useful:Funny: 10  Cool: 5