Bio Sewage: The 36 Questions That Lead to Love

These are my 36 questions by Arthur Aron that provide great questions for conversation starters. As a spouse and LTR person, I approve.

More bio and questions on the bio portion of this webpage makes that section very long. But I really like the 36 questions questionnaire. The 36 questions by psychologist Arthur Aron provides great questions for conversation starters. As a husband, spouse and LTR person, I approve. The questionnaire is featured on an article by the New York Times in 2015.

Set I

  1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

Judith Butler – I want to learn how to sound like a more colloquial feminist, so perhaps she may help.

  1. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

Yes, for what I do; my poetry triumphing a something like subsequent porn career.

  1. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

Yes, to expedite a process, which is usually tedious and awful.

  1. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

Going to the beach, long bike ride, writing a good poem, having passionate sex.

  1. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

A week ago – me. A month or two ago, both in jest.

  1. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

I would want the body of a 30-year-old.

  1. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

I will die by suicide or some type of accident by bike.

  1. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

One. We work to live
Two. We have sex with other people
Three. We are introverted.

  1. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

Having a family with money, physical means that gave me enough time to sort things out for myself. The emotional means weren’t there, but I am glad I am set in a more unusual way.

  1. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

I would be less around my parents, live in a city rather than the suburbs and socialize more.

  1. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

0-14 years old. Isolated childhood.
15-19 years old. Trying to find myself through others.
19-30 years old. Sorting out existential issues out through a decade’s worth of personal projects.
31 years old to current. Bringing it all together, and praxis.

This surrealist photo that was made using the areas between two blurry film negatives, one light and one dark from 2005, reminds me of yin (Christian) and yang (me).

Set II

  1. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

I would want to become fluent in foreign languages easily.

  1. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

I would change my future, so I can alter any possible consequences now.

  1. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

I would be professionally represented by an agent. I did not and do not have financial means to do it.

  1. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

I finished my doctorate.

  1. What do you value most in a friendship?

Someone who is stimulating both physically and mentally

  1. What is your most treasured memory?

The Summer of ’99 included blissful friendships, opening up to others.

  1. What is your most terrible memory?

The Fall of ’00 included me seeing all of these friendships crumble; and I dealt with a huge group of friends who turned on me.

  1. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

I would quit my job, rack up a lot of credit card debt, enjoy what I have, finish poems, get them out there.

  1. What does friendship mean to you?

A supportive and engaging companion.

  1. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

They create a home for us to enjoy for ourselves and other people.

  1. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.


  1. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

Not at all. Isolated. Unhappy childhood.

  1. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?



  1. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “


  1. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “

…my mind fully.

  1. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

I feel bad for expressing my love poorly.

  1. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

Incredible selflessness. It’s refreshing and unlike the vast majority of people I’ve ever met in Los Angeles.

“I really like your perseverance in being able to get everything set up and completely broken down. That takes a lot of strength and I admire and appreciate that about you.”

  1. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

The time will come to reflect on my stay in Madrid, soon.

  1. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

Maybe 2010 with an ex when my grandmother died. This past winter from my hatred of feeling stuck in Madrid, both to myself and to my partner.

  1. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

He has incredible perseverance.

  1. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

Racial stereotypes like this R&B event at the Echoplex in Los Angeles called 143 being called the ‘Asian Emo Night’ which is named after Emo Night. And presumptions are usually awkward.

  1. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

I got rid of your beloved antique table. I sold it on Craigslist for $50.

  1. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

Laptop. It has my body of work on it.

  1. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

My sister because she’s younger than me and sickly.

  1. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

There will be a time to share this…