Month: May 2021

May

2021

Chris G’s Best Yelp Reviews: Fallas Paredes – 4/5 Stars

Fallas Paredes
$ Discount Store
1533 N Vermont Ave
Los Angeles, CA 90027

I’ve spent a few minutes ruminating on what Fallas Paredes means. ‘Fallas’ translates to ‘Flawed/Defective/Failure’ in Spanish and ‘Paredes’ translates to ‘Walls’. The walls seem to not be ‘defective walls’ so it seems to have something to do with the goods. Maybe it means defective shit that doesn’t sell elsewhere so we sell it for really cheap kind of store en español – a House of Defective Shit.

SI! Fallas Paredes (House of Defective Shit) is a kind of Spanish Ross – ‘el Rosso’ as a handful of people that I know call it, but with defective shit. It kind of has what Ross has, but a notch more rustic and two notches less expensive. My friend picked up a pair of perfect-fitting and really nice light blue colored 29×32″ Levis jeans for $20 that didn’t pass inspection and had a defective stamp inside of them. To this day, we have no clue what is defective about the jeans.

I’ve gotten picture frames here for $5 or $6 with a less polished quality than the ones that Ross sells for $8 or $9. I’ve also gotten curtains here for $3. But what I am really a fan of is their dollar t-shirts. Yes, $1 t-shirts. They’re the type of t-shirts you can find along the storefronts of the Garment District in downtown Los Angeles but in the Los Feliz area. While a lot of them are quite crappy, there have been some gems I’ve found. They often receive rejected t-shirts from designers and companies for extremely discounted prices, for which they cut the tags of the original designer or brand. I found a cool-colored lemon chiffon yellow t-shirt that was originally a dud from Paul Frank (I believe) for $1. The material was incredibly nice and it fit perfectly. I also found a really nice faded white/burgundy cotton t-shirt, not designer, for $1. It’s one of my favorite t-shirts to this day.

They also sell nice tank tops and other t-shirts with prints for $3-7, which will offer the convenience of a lot less sifting through. But if you have time, check out the dollar racks! The only issue with this store is that there are NO DRESSING ROOMS! I repeat, NO DRESSING ROOMS! But they will not stop you if you want to be an exhibitionist and try stuff on in front of everyone. I recommend bringing a friend to block people from staring if taking off your shirt (or pants).

Useful: 15 Funny: 21 Cool: 10

7/4/2014

May

2021

Chris G’s Best Yelp Reviews: Abaya Alternations – 5/5 Stars

Abaya Alterations – CLOSED
$ Sewing & Alterations, Accessories, Women’s Clothing
3233 W Sunset Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90026

Many, many years ago, I had a Spanish grandmother. She died. She died. But before she did, I learned a lesson about accepting other people’s quirks.

Tata, we called her, was temperamental and expressive. After many years of being a Puerto Rican expat etching floral patterns on the ends of silverware at a factory in Brooklyn, she needed to find an outlet for her inner creative rage.

My mother was satan to her. Aunt Nilsa’s hair was set on fire. I smoked my first cigarette at 4 years old. She stuck a dildo in her mouth and jumped into a pool fully clothed.

And then one day she abruptly went to Florida from Brooklyn and had a heart attack on the plane. The passengers thought she was sleeping.

Therese fondly reminds me of my grandmother. So as someone who reminisces about the expressive temperament of old people, Therese still scares me. Keep it simple and uncomplicated and she won’t have a fit!

But if she does have a fit, remember her temperament perhaps indicates a fiery passion that also reveals how good she is at tailoring. She is as reasonably priced and as skilled as the tailors in the downtown garment district.

She may hate you if you challenge her but she doesn’t hold grudges. So don’t take it personal if she hates you because she won’t remember it (or you) the next day.

Useful: 10 Funny: 25 Cool: 6

4/28/2013

May

2021

Chris G’s Best Yelp Reviews: Psychic Horizons – 3/5 Stars

Psychic Horizons
Supernatural Readings, Meditation Centers
972 Valencia St
San Francisco, CA 94110

I am quite a skeptic of this place because the whole idea of a psychic-training school rubs me counterclockwise. I always wondered whether the psychics at psychic horizons really knew I came in here as a farce.

I had a past life reading here once by a group of clairvoyant trainees in meditation. Please note: I was receptive and did not cloud perceptions with a closed mind. They didn’t give me anything relevant, really yet the information “is what I make of it” metaphorically. I know, I know.

In one hour, I learned I was once a boxer, a hunter, a seamstress, a potter, a mammy, an indigenous boy and an astroid barnacle. I also learned how open each layer of my aura was by specific percentages. That information served me no purpose nor relevance. I was given a cassette tape of my reading for future bemusement.

The school is a converted victorian home. The waiting room is upstairs. You can sign up for readings there. Student readings are $35 and other readings are upwards of $50. The introductory class is free. For zero dollars, you are taught how to meditate while sitting in a chair. They also teach you how to focus in the center of your head and envision healing lights to cleanse your energy.

If you’re amazed at the end, you’ll be cordially invited to sign up for the level one training program for quite a few hundred more dollars. I watched many people sign up and pay after sitting in their chairs, envisioning orbs. It changed their lives.

Useful: 17 Funny: 34 Cool: 9

1/13/2008