Groupon

Hop Woo BBQ & Seafood
$$ Chinese, Seafood
845 N Broadway
Los Angeles, CA 90012

I have been here more times because of Groupon than have any other restaurant. I also have come here a lot prior to the days of Groupon. It seems like anyone who gets their MFA from an art school in Los Angeles is required to have some type of performance or exhibit in this area, hence when I run in them artistic circles, I usually end up there – then here or Hop Louie or Full House.

Their vegetarian food offers the quintessentially soggy vegetables that I’ve come to experience as being authentic at least to the way restaurants prepare them Chinatown. The mixed vegetables to schezuan eggplant to hollow vegetables from Hop Woo taste like they’re boiled with a plump texture underneath a slick layer of oil on top of them. I don’t dislike them. I just prefer how they prepare the soft tofu this way for their ma po tofu. The ma po sauce is very tasty and the dish is probably my favorite here. It tastes very salty though but for me, I like it however wouldn’t particularly recommend it for other people as I tend to like saltier saucy things.

The atmosphere is nice enough for groups but the service here is hard to describe. They don’t have bad service per se. They’re just consistently not focused on the human. I found that to be the case too when I went to a cafe on a layover in Guanzhou, China, so I think it’s just the way things are done. They’re usually as distracted by setting or bussing tables as they are taking orders, which often takes about 15 minutes to do after being seated. However they usually immediately give you tea, Spanish peanuts and crackers to munch on. I guarantee you that tea will go cold by the time they take your order so drink up first.

They’re one of a handful of places that don’t have restrictions towards how many Groupons you can use here. So they never give me a hard time about redeeming Groupon. But if you do the Groupon, print it out as they will hold onto your phone for ten or fifteen minutes while writing down the code, processing it, and simultaneously setting or bussing said tables.

Useful: 4  Funny: 0  Cool: 0

12/24/2016

Imperial Spa
$$ Day Spas, Massage, Saunas
1875 Geary Blvd
San Francisco, CA 94115

I know now why most of the people who give this place rave reviews seem to be women. The men’s and women’s massage/acupuncture/steam/spa rooms are segregated but the men’s room doesn’t have the relaxing hot stone room, which is a huge bummer, in Korean. It also seems to have way less amenities in general. If you’re a man, you won’t get to lay on hot rocks nor get to gain equilibrium of your body’s energy or whatever wishful pseudoscience the hot stones are supposed to do. The men’s section has six plastic chairs for that instead.

I came into San Francisco after a long bus ride and felt gross. I checked Groupon out and I saw that this place had a Groupon deal going for sixteen bucks. I thought, a hot shower and relaxing steam room, why not?

After giving the woman in front the Groupon and then entering their really nice and spacious locker room and vanity room, the first thought I had of the spa, steam, and sauna rooms was a big fat underwhelming sigh. The entire steam and sauna area is about the same size of the locker room! The room is a 500 square foot room that is as tall as it is high. Why did you make such a grand locker room for such a tiny space?!

The room contained a tiny cold water pool, a tiny sauna, a tiny steam room that wasn’t very hot, and a decent-sized sauna that was incredibly hot. The steam room and sauna could comfortably seat six smaller framed men and a few more for standing room. There were five or six showers. One was kind of broken, two were out of shampoo, and one had a plastic chair with a bunch of towels hanging on top of it. At least one of those showers worked fine. There were also three or four sitting showers with buckets filled with shaving cream water and toothpaste.

I am glad I found that Groupon a few minutes before I entered because I now feel slightly jipped instead of incredibly jipped. I spent less money on two-story Korean spas with six rooms in Los Angeles. At least I got to shave, brush my teeth and sit in some hot bubbly water for a couple of hours before feeling refreshed and leaving.

Useful: 6  Funny: 6  Cool: 2

11/14/2016

Caffe Primo – CLOSED
$$ Coffee & Tea, Italian, Cafes
612 S Flower St
Los Angeles, CA 90017

Caffe Primo downtown looks like a ghost ship of Edward Hopper’s Nighthawks painting from 1942. Instead of a corner diner, it’s like one of those old-fashioned Italian style ‘caffes’ from the era that serves espressos or cappuccinos in tiny mugs. It is a very big and boxy street corner restaurant encased in large sheets of glass that you can see everything inside of it – and that’s not such a great thing in this case.

The ground level of this restaurant is below the street level of the sidewalk, so when you pass by this place on some streets, you are looking down on this restaurant behind the glass. The way the light hits the building during the day casts a gray shadow under the glass, so everything inside looks like the dim figures from a low contrast ratio television from the 1980s. There are a lot of rows of stark white tables and handfuls of gray melancholy looking people inside. I think they need less glass and more openness to the neighborhood, as this large glass wall makes this place appear like a human zoo. For years I passed this place by when I would either go to the downtown library or gym and never felt it beckoned me to come here.

When I was finally beckoned to come here due to Groupon, I was weary to go through the tiny door. So before I did, I took almost 20 minutes going through all of their Yelp reviews of the vegan wraps and bowls, which is usually what I prefer and decided to play it safe. Nothing about the reviews had stood out as having a consensus about anything particularly outstanding here, at least vegan-wise. I concluded that I should just stick with a salad. Let me tell you – I am glad I did. Their quinoa salad minus cheese was fresh and came with quite a nice portion. It comes with asparagus, avocado, craisins, walnuts, mint, onions, tomato, cucumber in a lemon vinaigrette dressing. And it was delicious.

You wait in the front, order in the front, you get a number. You wait at the table. And you get food. It was absolutely empty when I went and took about fifteen or twenty minutes to get the food. We were in no rush though. Something to note too: Since the size of this place is massive and there are a plethora of seat offerings, the level of stuffiness varies with some of the rooms. The air doesn’t flow to some of the glass-enclosed rooms and feels a bit more warm and humid than next to where the doors are. It might be beneficial to get faux walls to replace these large slabs of midcentury glass.

Useful: 0  Funny: 2  Cool: 0

5/29/2017

BoltBus – CLOSED
Buses
800 N Alameda St
Los Angeles, CA 90012

I am breaking this down to the actual bus experience versus the Groupon experience:

GROUPON: 1 STAR

Bolt Bus has one of the most craptastic systems for redeeming the Groupon. You have to do A LOT of emailing and then a lot of inputting of data in order to redeem the Groupon. I felt like I was really working for that three dollars I saved. They will NOT redeem the Groupon with you over the phone.

Groupon was $21, roundtrip bus without Groupon was $24. They claim the rides are worth $80. I asked myself if it was worth saving $3 to do three or four days worth of work.

Their system for redeeming the Groupon is first to sign up for an account. Okay. Then email their rewards department and let them know that you purchased a Groupon and give them your account information for both Groupon and Bolt Bus. Okay. Don’t forget to email them the 6 or seven digit number from the coupon that’s in your Groupon folder. Okay. Then once the guy on the email gets back to you, it took him two days in my case, he will tell you that your account is credited two rides. Whew, done. Hooray!

NOT SO FAST! The Bolt Bus website is down. I was taken aback. A google search for Bolt Bus Los Angeles comes up with Mega Bus Los Angeles. Weird. I call to double-check they didn’t go out of business in the past 24 hours since I contacted them last. My fear is a business on Groupon unexpectedly going out of business without notice. It’s a legitimate fear, see horror stories (with snarky owner comments) on AQIYL Photography.

No, they’re still riding from Los Angeles. And whew, we’re only halfway done. The site should be back up in less than 12 hours. More instructions after he emails me back!

In order to get these rides credited, set up your bus ride then once you get your roundtrip set up, a popup box appears. Enter 0-0-2 on the bottom right of the popup box in the white form box and over the underscore, but only after clicking on the white form box twice. It won’t work if you click on the white box once because it needs to be input over the ___ underscore, not before it. I didn’t click on the white form box twice and typed in ‘002’ before the ___ underscore appeared. So stupidly, ‘002’ was not properly entered and I purchased another ticket. I had to call them to refund my card.

On the line was a really unfriendly guy speaking in a Southern/African American dialect. He said that I ‘dones’ it wrong and he will reverse the charge card and I would need to redo it. I asked if he could just redeem the Groupon from the phone. “No.” “Okay.” No response back. I waited for about ten or fifteen seconds to see if he would say something else. He didn’t. It was dead on the line. So I hung up. (Bolt Bus, you really should screen your calls or at least make your employees feel like they are!)

I entered ‘002’ over the literal ___ underscore on the white box after clicking on it. I’ve taken and taught Computer Science courses and this was one of the crappiest and least intuitive methods of inputting data I’ve seen on an actual running business. It reminded me of a goofy project that a 19-year-old undergrad Computer Science major who is just learning how to create a form would make in CS 1 to prove that he or she can make something interactive for credit. Type ‘002’ over random underscore to make a smiley face appear or else a frown will appear.

BUS: 5 STARS

I am writing this review on the bus’ wifi right now. The bus is big, fat and shiny and located in the left-hand side of the front of Union Station. It is NOT located where the other busses are at the back. There is no sign, which is disconcerting, but I made a phone call and the lady said it was “across from the Mosaic Apartments on the flat parking lot.” What the hell are the Mosaic apartments? I walk around and see some large apartment complex to the left of Union Station. Ohhhh.

The bus, unlike Megabus, is one story, but the seats are larger and more comfy. The bus is incredibly clean. Like new, perhaps. (This company began running out of Los Angeles 6 months ago.) There are two outlets per seating section, the rest stop is 30 minutes and located in Avenal (not Kettleman City like MegaBus, booo) and consists of one boxed in shopping-gas station complex with a touristy gift shop/bodega, Subway and a taqueria. All in all, this bus is all I could ever ask for.

Sadly, this particular bus stops in San Jose, and then San Francisco, and then Oakland. That is a lot of stops, but there are maybe 20 people on this bus so I guess it would be silly to have a bus dedicated to the one goofball who claims he is going to San Jose.

Useful: 9  Funny: 4  Cool: 0

3/4/2014

Natura Spa – CLOSED
$$ Day Spas, Skin Care
3240 Wilshire Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90010

Natura Spa is basement level. Natura Spa is basement level. Natura Spa is basement level. I watched a video on how repetition is the key to memory. I had a Groupon for two here. I visit spas often with varying levels of Korean culture infused to each. I have a coworker who absolutely loves this place and I was probably going to visit based on her recommendation alone. She goes here often. It seems a lot of people who keep this afloat has seen its better days. After visiting here, I feel like I’ve seen better days myself.

When we entered, we were dropped off from an Uber into the grand driveway of an eerie dim building. It was reminiscent of that spooky old hotel in Downtown LA where they found a girl who drowned in the water tank after everyone was complaining about the rancid water. There is one light next to one desk with a security guard in the middle. He pointed to a cavern of plywood behind him amidst a massive construction project in the lobby. There is literally this 200 foot path made out of large 10 foot high plywood boards that one walks straight and then makes a sharp right that leads to one elevator door at the end of it.

The elevator only has floors listed, nothing else. Even the address on Yelp gives no clue to this floor of this spa. So I had to call the front desk of Natura Spa on my cell phone while standing in the elevator. Receptionist said basement. She hangs up. I literally press B and see her two seconds later when the door opens. Two guys who saw that we were clumsy at knowing our surroundings pushed in front of us and just walked through and past the reception area into the spa. I think they were regulars. The receptionist just kind of shrugged.

She took our Groupon and just kind of let us through with keys to lockers located at on opposite ends, no directions, nothing. I never been here before and I felt like I had to go through a bizarre rude awakening to what this spa was all about. First off, robes are not needed late at night. Robes are not only discouraged but forbidden in all of the men’s steam and sauna rooms. The gender-neutral relaxation area, which consists of recliners and television had only men. It was kind of an awful place. The sauna even had a television in it! Terrible. Even though I showered literally before I got to the spa, some guy in the sauna told me to get out of the hot tub and that I needed to shower. There is a sign that he pointed to, an incredibly specific sign that states everyone needs to shower in this room first. Fine.

Maybe it was because of that creepy hotel vibe I got, that I noticed that everyone there looked like they’ve been regulars here for years. They’ve all had their slow ritualistic zombie patterns, sitting in the hot tub, moving to the cold pool, then moving to the steam room. The entire area is one medium sized room that consisted of a steam room, sauna, few showers, a cold pool and an ice room. So you can watch everyone from everywhere you sit in this one room. And more importantly, they can watch you.

I spent 90 minutes here trying not to be a spa zombie and had a good enough and relaxing time as I do with all spas. But the televisions, the creepy hotel vibe at night, the hotel ‘regulars’ and more televisions, will make me avoid passing through the plywood maze to this place in the future.

Useful: 9  Funny: 19  Cool: 4

7/15/2017