Christoph Girard

Sylvia Plath Collage Installation – Lady/Applicant: The Lazarus

Sylvia Plath Collage Installation – Lady/Applicant: The Lazarus

Lady/Applicant: The Lazarus is a multimedia installation and experiment in new media poetics that strategically re-imagines authorial identities.

Chris Girard describes the audio and video poems from the installation, 2010

These identities are particularly those from street signs and audio clips of renowned confessional poet Sylvia Plath. By presenting collaged audio and video recordings, the project radically questions the power traditionally associated with the author. Since Plath’s suicide almost 50 years ago, she continues to be cast as a depressed wife and mother. The imperatives of this role still weigh heavy upon the production of her biography and the reception of her work.

The collaging of audio and video clips reembodies Plath as an omnipresent ghost and shifts meaning away from an exclusive association with the tragically depressed, the pathologized Plath. But, instead of disembodying the writing entirely away from the author, the author now wavers productively between Plath, reader/viewer and myself. The act of shifting references away from the author’s life and intention enables the writing to become more open to alternate interpretation, more open to this new historical moment and audience.

Print Versions

The collaged audio and video poems can be experienced through watching and listening to them. Printable PDF versions of the audio and video poems can be found here for audio and here for video.

Lady/Applicant: The Lazarus, 2010, Audio Collage

Installation Details

The installation consists of audio and video collages that are created through the cutting and rearranging of prerecorded audio and video recordings of texts into sequences of connected texts that play new poems.

The audio component was collaged from the poems that Sylvia Plath read in the early 1960s entitled Lady Lazarus and The Applicant to form a new hybrid poem entitled Lady/Applicant: The Lazarus.

Lady/Applicant: The Lazarus, 2010, Video Collage

The video component was a series of video collages of texts documented near the location where Plath committed suicide in Camden, London. The installation explores how meaning shifts from the intended authors recorded on the audio, video and images to myself through the process of collaging and recording the installation objects.

Theory Alert…

While the project primarily touches on issues of authorship, embodiment and performativity, discourse surrounding digital and new media poetics shows the effect it has on the reader too. It shows how the attribution of an author by the reader becomes complicated from the instability and constantly changing state of screen-based interfaces like that of the project.

For example… Plath, an American who lived in England for only a few years, oddly spoke with a fake English accent during these readings. It suggests a construction of identity to place. The audio presents a phonetic collage of Plath’s voice from BBC recordings of her poems Lady Lazarus and The Applicant during her stay in London and a few years before her death in 1963. The fragments of audio are sliced, extracted and rearranged from individual words of her readings to produce a seamless collage of poetry.

In theoretical terms, the project explores ‘performativity’ of the ‘author function’. The ‘author function’ is a term coined by poststructural theorist Michel Foucault to describe how readers attribute certain characteristics that they believe belong to the author and ascribe them to the writing.

‘Performativity’ is a term used by philosopher Judith Butler to describe a set of actions that ascribe and predetermine a set of attributes to a subject through his or her gender, age, timeframe, nationality and race.

The performativity of the author function appropriates these characteristics of an identity and attributes the characteristics to the author. For a much longer explanation, please see Ph.D. thesis here.

Installation Process & Behind-The-Scenes…

This image shows the process of collaging words from Sylvia Plath’s Lady Lazarus and The Applicant (bottom tracks) with SoundTrack Pro to form a new hybrid poem Lady/Applicant: The Lazarus (top track).

A poem was created based on street and storefront signs found near Plath’s former residence and place of death in Camden, London. These clips were weaved together on iMovie and inspired by experimental filmmaker Hollis Frampton’s film entitled Zorns Lemma. They are composed of texts arranged in a semiotic sequence that are subservient to their visual surroundings. The cadence of sound and the sequence of visual texts from instructional and public signs filmed within a five block perimeter of 23 Fitzroy Road reflect the constraint and play of a historical moment.

The plaque images show a transformation of a historical moment to an instruction. William Butler Yeats lived in the same townhouse that Plath committed suicide in about 25 years before. Though both are noted figures, only the plaque of Yeats is shown in front of 23 Fitzroy Road. This component was included in the installation as 4×6 matte photos scattered on the floor.

Posted by Chris Girard in Code, Poetry & Writing, Projects, Video

Nine Ninety-Nine Only Store: Free Artisan Wallpaper

The NINE NINETY-NINE ONLY STORE offers downloadable high-resolution photography for $9.99 free. Download free high-quality photos for wallpaper or prints!

The “$9.99 Only Store” came from a funny realization when I was looking for food one day. The prices at a religious and health foods market in Los Angeles called Lassen’s Market. All of the food, big and small was $9.99! I am watching prices rise and rise at the 99¢ Only Store and it is soon going to be a $9.99 Only Store as well.

I began this store as a store, but very few people buy art anymore and I was exhausted by the constant finicky behavior of WooCommerce. So now here we have local/global artisan free wallpaper, high-quality images, for desktops or for printing.

Laguna Beach Shoreline

Laguna Beach Shoreline, Free Wallpaper

Chris Girard, Laguna Beach Shoreline, 2008, Photograph

A quick capture from a flashbulb blends the impressions of moving wind and sea from two seconds’ worth of an open shutter. The still frame records subtle lights from palpitating waves along this Laguna Beach shoreline. The scene is blurry yet in focus. It offers muted golden lights dancing at the base of the sand. These lights look as if water intermingles with tides at the bottom of the ocean floor.

The capture offers physical proximity, time, and place attached to it. The photograph was taken at midnight in Spring 2009 at Thalia Street Beach near the center part of this South Orange County town. Laguna Beach is an artistic destination that for some has never been a destination but home. I went to high school at neighboring Dana Hills High School and I worked at Fingerhut Gallery with a few of the Growlers on Forest Avenue and Pacific Coast Highway before it imploded.

Laguna Beach Shoreline can be printed beautifully on paper or used as high-quality wallpaper for a desktop.


Download Gold Waves at http://chrisgirard.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/girard_-_13_-_8x10rgb-1.jpg.


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Running Hill

Running Hill, Free Wallpaper

Chris Girard, Running Hill, 2011, Photograph

The specter of some lost party runs atop a looming hill before the sun low in the sky completely sets. Below the dusky horizon, fractured light creates a myriad of colorful pulses which complement the sad colors of the early evening. The action of running is the centerpiece of the photo overlay which captures a set of black and white figures stark in motion. At the pinnacle of the dark hill, cool tones of blue, green, and purple almost bleed underneath the swollen charcoal sky. Running Hill can be printed beautifully on paper or as high-quality wallpaper for a computer desktop.


Download Gold Waves at http://chrisgirard.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/girard_-_07_-_8x10rgb.jpg.


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Gold Waves

Gold Waves, Free Wallpaper

Chris Girard, Gold Waves, 2005, Photograph

Elements of warmth and whimsy illuminate this conceptual twist on a modernist composition. Despite the contemporary style of Gold Waves, the imagery retains a fanciful, even fairy tale, quality. Conceivably, the rippling tide of golden currents unfurls like the hair from Rapunzel’s tower. Or peradventure, Rumpelstiltskin has spun a mountain of straw into gold thread.

Materially, the photograph captures the motion of a fan beating inside its encasement. Repeating in a pattern like a flowing current, the blades seem to vibrate, rather than spin, within the cage. Gold Waves can be printed beautifully on paper or as high-quality wallpaper for a computer desktop.


Download Gold Waves at http://chrisgirard.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/girard_-_02_-_8x10rgb.jpg.


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Ice Fog

Ice Fog, Free Wallpaper

Chris Girard, Ice Fog, 2012, Photograph

Life on this moon may not be found on the surface but in the sky. The burst of cool blue light glows in ice fog as if it holds an energy source of its own. The midnight star brightens small bits of icy frost permeating a barren skyscape defined by the pathos of a vanished civilization. The atmosphere surrounding the noon moon sun is on a distant planet that makes hopeful space cadets wish for water. Ice Fog can be printed beautifully on paper or used as wallpaper for a computer desktop.


Download Ice Fog at http://chrisgirard.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/girard_-_22_-_8x10rgb.jpg.


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Shampoo

Shampoo, Free Wallpaper

Chris Girard, Shampoo, 2004

Instant recognition of bright, showy colors propels the viewer into a voyeuristic tour of consumer culture. In Shampoo, a telephoto lens extracts an image of misty, warm-colored shapes. They are seemingly lifted from the personal hygiene aisle of a grocery store. This trio of visually vague, but subconsciously unmistakable, commercial products fades into a pop art fog, transforming the banal into the exotic. The line-up of plastic bottles features gradients of minimalist shapes and contours of mass-produced goods and can be printed beautifully on paper or as high-quality wallpaper for a desktop.


Download Shampoo at http://chrisgirard.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/girard_-_19_-_8x10rgb.jpg.


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Tectonic Trees

Tectonic Trees, Free Wallpaper

Chris Girard, Tectonic Trees, 2012, Photograph

Long, slender tree branches reach up from the sunny cliffs of Los Angeles’ Griffith Park. The puzzle-like design they create resembles both a geological map of tectonic plates and the municipal grid pattern of the underlying city. Further up the limbs, a winding set of wooden fingers stretches toward a twinkling periwinkle sky, while a vibrant spray of African lilies dances in the cool, soothing breeze. A luminescent image overlay engenders an airy quality to the trees. They seem to stand closer to the sun than to the earth below. Tectonic Trees can be printed beautifully on paper or used as high-quality wallpaper for a computer desktop.

VOTE4ART

Spectrum Miami and Red Dot Miami featured Tectonic Trees during world-famous Art Basel in Miami, Florida. Artbox.Projects, which exhibited the artwork at its booth, features many artworks by artists from all over the world. This Swiss-based group launched a mobile voting platform for artwork called VOTE4ART at their booth during these events. Thousands of spectators at the event as well as many more mobile VOTE4ART users voted Tectonic Trees as winner.


Download Explorers at http://chrisgirard.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/girard_-_09_-_8x10rgb.jpg.


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Explorers

Explorers, Free Wallpaper

Chris Girard, Explorers, 2011, Photograph

A mid-century mystery man looms in the background of this noir-inspired image. Explorers melds the cool undertones of Griffith Park with the warm under-glow of Los Angeles. The city’s landscape acts like its underlying tectonic plates; while the still, natural landscape of Griffith Park rests high above, the rapid, immediate movement of city life traverses below. The soft, wavy, brushstroke-like quality reflects the style of 19th-century British romantic landscape painter J. M. W. Turner. Explorers can be printed beautifully on paper or as high-quality wallpaper for a computer desktop.


Download Explorers at http://chrisgirard.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/girard_-_15_-_8x10rgb.jpg.


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Filament Light

Filament Light, Free Wallpaper

Chris Girard, Filament Light, 2005, Photograph

A spark of Filament glimmers and grows swaddled in a membrane of light, protected by its hard but fragile shell. Like paint on canvas, light on paper is the photographer’s brushstroke. Filament reveals the genesis of its luminescence and thus the palette of photographic expression. Filament Light can be printed beautifully on paper or as high-quality wallpaper for a desktop.


Download Filament Light (2480 x 1984 pixels) at http://chrisgirard.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/girard_-_06_-_8x10rgb.jpg.


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Infinite Movement (Umbrella)

Infinite Movement (Umbrella), Free Wallpaper

Chris Girard, Infinite Movement (Umbrella), 2003

Electricity, a cornerstone of modernity, inspires the concept of infinite movement in a twisting umbrella. Both mechanical structure and ghost-like shadows weave realism and abstraction together. This also establishes a notion of duration in the image. The rendition of a moving gear looks like an electric current. And the clockwise flow perpetuates the belief that there is no stopping the machine.

What can be considered a photograph taken a century after the height of a modernist movement over a century ago is not so old. Both time and motion conjure the energy behind a ticking clock that accelerates the pace of life and can also liberate stillness. Innovation, the radical departure from the universal beliefs that had preceded in the past, is such an iconoclasm.

Infinite Movement (Umbrella) can be printed beautifully on paper or as high-quality wallpaper.


Download Infinite Movement (Umbrella)
at http://chrisgirard.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/girard_-_03_-_8x10rgb.jpg.


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Posted by Chris Girard in Photo, Projects
RIP Most Useful, Most Funny, and Most Cool Yelp reviews 2008-2018

RIP Most Useful, Most Funny, and Most Cool Yelp reviews 2008-2018

RIP Most Useful, Most Funny, and Most Cool Yelp reviews 2008-2018

I almost had my Black Elite 10-year anniversary badge… I didn’t make it. It’s so difficult to maintain a long-term relationship with something that you have to give more than you receive in return.

Being an Elite, then Gold Elite, almost a Black Elite, for the course of 12 years made me realize that I should be getting money for writing.

I was upset that as the years of my elite-hood progressed into the late 2010s, I would get accepted less and less for the social invitations that I RSVP’ed to. When I was first Elite in 2008, I could go to everything and get free sake mugs too. By 2012, I was going to parties and dinners all over Los Angeles. I got full-course vegan dinners and alcoholic beverages at swanky bars. By 2016-2017, I received no response to half of the Elite invitations I tried to go to. Katie Burbank, who was the manager at the time, would prioritize the novelty of newness (new members) over the novelty of a sardonic Yelp review. Most of that Yelp from the lowly red Elites was saccharine crap. Then I stopped with Yelp and decided to take over my own Yelp and host my own reviews.

There was a social aspect to Yelp that wasn’t great. I never made a friend from Yelp -outside- of Yelp. It wasn’t really a way to produce social overtures like social media and dating sites could be. You would chat with people by leaving notes next to the “You’re Hot,” “You’re Cool” and “You’re Funny” compliments back and forth. There was nothing that really held Yelp friends together besides the sharing of funny reviews we wrote.

I remember part of my journey with Yelp was presenting it at UC Santa Cruz, which was incredibly fun. Not. It was criticized by these asshole white Marxists at UC Santa Cruz as propagating the fetish to consumerism. A lot of my day-to-day experiences are going out to businesses and it’s a way I can remember parts of my life beyond the great or crappy food or um ambience.

Best Five-Star Yelp Reviews

Best Four-Star Yelp Reviews

Best Three-Star Yelp Reviews

Best Two-Star Yelp Reviews

Best One-Star Yelp Reviews

Special: Best Groupon-Related Yelp Reviews

Posted by Chris Girard in Personal, Social Networking
The Spanish Consulate of Los Angeles Translation Disaster

The Spanish Consulate of Los Angeles Translation Disaster

Gay Marriage, Leaving the Country, Resistance to Trump-ism in a Nutshell

On 12/14/16, I got gay married to an Italian named Christian at the courthouse in Beverly Hills. We decided to move to get married to ultimately move to Europe when Trump was inaugurated as president. We didn’t want to be part of that shit show, but the move to Spain was a shit show in itself. Getting married to someone with Italian citizenship means that I was eligible to become a European citizen. So we decided to move somewhere gay-friendly and decided on Madrid.

Since Christian is already a native speaker of English with European citizenship as he was born in Italy but left for Oklahoma when he was one years old, the English teaching institutions in Europe, a particularly notorious one called BEDA that you have to ‘pay’ to teach for and does all of the Catholic schools in the Madrid vicinity, swooped him up and wanted to offer him a placement immediately. So he did it, for all of 2017. He moved and was able to glide into living in Madrid after spending a month in a pensione (a monthly budget hotel) and staying for a time with temporary roommates he met on Grindr.

The Spanish Consulate Appointment System

I had to wait a year and apply to English teaching groups more formally and I got accepted into the fanciest English teaching one called UCETAM. I also applied for the public one offered by the country, but I went for UCETAM. This got me into Europe via a student visa. With a digital letter sent from UCETAM, I had to get a student visa from the Spanish Consulate in Los Angeles. There was no way of knowing that there were no appointments for three months out. I checked their website on a daily basis and finally was able to shoe myself into an appointment.

After waiting a month and shoeing myself in, I was rejected. I didn’t have the original letter from UCETAM. They had to send me the original letter and not a digital copy.

I was also rejected because my Spanish translation from Advanced Translation Services* was not done by a certified Spaniard. I didn’t have a ‘certified’ translation of my Apostille and FBI Background Check. It was not only any kind of translation, but it also had to be a special translation certified by only a select native Spain Spanish speaker living in the United States because Spaniards cannot decipher my clean criminal background in Latin American Spanish. It was obnoxious and unhelpful, to say the least.

Spamming The Translators for a Response

All Spanish Translators Are Not Equal

I was referred to a book of translators. There are about 20 sworn translators available in the United States who could do a translation of my background check. I emailed all of them at the same time.

Of the eighteen, eight responded back, six were on vacation and only two were able to have availability for the translation.

Sworn Translators Who Responded Back:

Tamara Cabrera could do it for $60.
Patricia López-Gay could do it for $120.
Pero Bujalance Andrés was not available.
Wawi Gorriz was not available.
Rocío Corredor was not available.
Sergi Raneda was not available.
Mercedes Oetgen was not available.
Marta Manzanares was not available.

Sworn Translators Who Didn’t Respond Back:

Celia Bravo Diaz didn’t respond back.
Eva Alonso Calero didn’t respond back.
Margarita Calvo didn’t respond back.
Eva Chaler didn’t respond back.
Angely Giambra didn’t respond back.
María Gutiérrez Rey didn’t respond back.
Irene Igualada didn’t respond back.
Mercedes Oetgen López didn’t respond back.
Silvia Aurora Oviedo didn’t respond back.

So I went with Tamera Cabrera, who was half as expensive as the other translator who responded back. She was a life saver.

Advanced Translation Service Said I Threatened to Leave a Negative Yelp Review…

…I said I was GOING to leave a negative review.

Oh my god, Marina, the lady who runs Advanced Translation Services, was so arrogant and awful to me. She took an “it’s not my problem, and how dare you even think our service has any bearing on your rejection” stance to me having to redo her translation by another translator that should have never been done. I asked if she could at least reimburse me for the $60 I spent on Tamera Cabrera. (I spent $95 on their service.) Nope!

Buyer beware. The Spanish Consulate in Los Angeles doesn’t accept their translations! And the person who I’ve been talking to is extremely crazy argumentative about not giving me a refund, even partial reimbursement for the same translation I had to redo by someone who is certified by the consulate. Their argument is that it’s my fault, essentially I should have known that I shouldn’t have come there, even though it’s listed on their website and Yelp that they provide for student visas. And I’m warning you, while there is no problems with the service of the translation, it’s at your own risk if you come here. I wish SOMEONE had let me known that their translator has no business translating for the consulate that they’re next to! But no, it’s my fault.

I’m moving to Europe yet again and I am being accepted into a work study thingamajig through an ordinary student visa. I came in and said I was applying for a student visa and dropped off an FBI Background Check and an Apostille of one. Since they’re located about a mile away from the consulate, I came directly from there and dropped off the paperwork. They told me it would be $95 and to come pick it up the next day. I thought that was reasonable and fast, so they charged my card and I left.

They didn’t call me back, so I ended up calling them back the following day. They told me it would be ready by the end of the day, so I picked it up the next day. They provided me with a translation of an FBI Background Check and the Apostille Certification of an FBI Background Check. And it looks professional and fine. No problems so far.

I finally go to my student visa appointment this morning and drop off the paperwork. The woman at the Spanish Consulate looks at the translation and immediately rejects it. She said it was because the translator at Advanced Translation Services was not listed in their international list of translators booklet. She referred to some type of book of translators, and on Pages 601 and 602, are the accredited people listed in the United States.

I was a bit floored because nobody at the Spanish Consulate or anything explicitly lists this and nobody at Advanced Translation said anything either. They claimed to help many, many people with student and work visas at the Spanish Consulate. And I did look at their website, which has links to the consulates, and the glowing reviews regarding their translations for visas.

And Marina basically has been specifically arguing that it’s my fault for not knowing about what they require prior. Honestly I don’t think that the consulate is consistent with everyone as it doesn’t list this requirement for specific translators anywhere. And I will be reviewing the consulate, once I get my stamped visa! This entire process with the consulate has been a clusterfuck of rules. Anyway they should know to warn others who need documents translated at the Spanish consulate that the translator needs to be someone who is approved by the consulate that’s located a mile from them! Apparently it was news to them too. And it’s my fault.

So two stars was FAIR. They did provide a decent translation and consistently wrote back, even to argue with me. I thought it was fair to at least request to have the $66 that I spent on a legit Spanish translator (according to the consulate) as I basically threw $95 into the recycling bin with this beautifully useless translation.

So Marina the owner responded back to this Yelp review and said that I ‘threatened’ to leave negative feedback. At the very end of these long argumentative and dismissive emails, I said I was GOING to leave negative feedback.

I would have been happy to ‘return’ the useless Advanced Translation Services translation but I ended up throwing it out.

Posted by Chris Girard in Dual Citizenship, Languages
Enneagram Personalities of Kittisaurus and Creamheroes Cats
Lala loves DD.

Enneagram Personalities of Kittisaurus and Creamheroes Cats

The Enneagram and Myers Briggs personality assessment can be used on animals. Both are methods of identifying personality inclinations, like extroversion, introversion, thinking, feeling, perceiving, and judging. I have been watching Kittisaurus on YouTube (formerly Creamheroes). This is a list of the personality types of Claire Luvcat and all of her cats (except the two kittens) from Kittisaurus on YouTube.


Claire Luvcat – ENFJ 2w3

Claire Luvcat, aka the Butler, is a human who usually you hear speaking in Korean to her cats and sometimes in her high school English to her many American viewers. I think of Claire Luvcat like Jon from Garfield. I think if I was her neighbor, I would worry about her. Her neighbors probably hear her talk to herself all the time with nobody responding back. She has dedicated her life to taking care of all ten of her cats by herself. Every day she has to groom some of them, give some of them a bath, trim some of their nails, clean hair from the couch or rug, feed them, give them supplements, play with them, film them, edit the film and most importantly take them to the doctor. It’s a very full-time job!

It is rare for humans to come into her apartment and she seems quite neurotic when someone comes to her apartment as she is quite concerned with them carrying germs or getting the cats sick or dirty. She made sure one popular YouTuber in Korea washed his hands before touching the cats. She has a rather nice personality. And I can see her as being very likable and popular with humans as well based on her affection towards the cats. But she probably rejects a lot of people from her life because she chooses to be with cats over humans. She keeps her face hidden and rarely features family members on her channel. She doesn’t seem to date, although I can imagine a lot of people would like to date her, but she has dedicated her life to being a cat lady.


Lulu (•̀A•́) – ENFP 7w6

Lulu is the most popular cat on Kittisaurus because of his looks and antics. He is the reason why -I- began watching this channel. He is a munchkin cat that often stands on his tiny hind legs like a meercat. He has a cleft palate, which makes his mouth look like he is showing constant disapproval, surprise, or fear in a cute way. And he has big expressive eyes that make him look especially surprised or as if he is scheming.

The other cats, particularly the other male cats, don’t like him so much. Chuchu likes him, and sometimes Lala does too, but usually only because Lala wants to be groomed. Lulu seems to not care or mind what the other cats think of him and grooms everyone to his own liking and satisfaction. Lulu definitely steps over everyone’s boundaries as he is oblivious to the concept of personal boundaries or just doesn’t care. Maybe he has cat autism? Lulu is oblivious at how self-centered he is when he jumps to get food or how annoyed the cats are at him when he grooms them. Lulu is definitely not a team player; he is incredibly active, steals the show, and loves the camera, and the camera loves him, more than the other cats.


TT – ISFJ or INFJ 1w2

TT is only loyal to Claire Luvcat and she especially loves Claire Luvcat. TT is in a platonic relationship with Claire, whether Claire feels like it’s mutual or not. TT gets very jealous or upset when Claire ignores her in favor of other cats or is gone for too long. TT was one of the first cats Claire has taken care of and is always sleeping in her bed. Claire seems to allow her in her bed more than the other (hairier) cats. TT is not interested in ANY of the other cats. They all get in the way of her relationship with Claire. TT also seems to prefer humans in general as she is often more interactive and friendly to humans than cats. TT had a traumatic childhood with being sick and got herpes, which subsequently made her left eye more cloudy and darker. It seemed to strengthen her loyalty and devotion to Claire, who took care of her. I consider her to have a strange intuitive connection to Claire as TT often understands everything Claire is saying. TT also is a strange empath to human expressiveness, she shares her emotions with Claire, like sulking out of jealousy or loneliness, but also seems to understand far more of how Claire is feeling than any of the other cats.


DD – XSTJ 9w8 or 8w9

DD was born to be a peaceful earthy lap cat but was given a crazy family. He isn’t inclined to move except when provoked and he is often provoked. He gets along with almost all of the other cats (except sometimes Lulu) and is possibly the alpha cat. Since he took care of Lala as a kitten, he sees her as a grown-up kitten, and thus friendzoned her and only likes her as a friend. He likes being mellow and watching the action but is often put into the action due to him being -too- mellow to run away and hide. It gets him involved in situations he necessarily doesn’t want to be in. He hangs out in places he shouldn’t be in.


Coco – INTP 9w1

Coco looks like a fluffy white lion and acts as a lone wolf. He doesn’t seem to care much for any of the cats, but not in a particularly negative way. He is neutral and is just rolls with the flow with everyone. He tolerates Claire as much as he does any of the cats. He has no strong likes or dislikes of anyone. He is very sportsman-like and likes physical and mental challenges a lot. Claire calls him “The Scientist” because of his objective interest in what’s going on. He looks very cute in a tie and often would have been given a voice to give an unbiased account of what’s going on like a news reporter. But unlike a news reporter, he doesn’t like the camera and stays behind Claire’s white opaque curtain, hoping to stay camouflaged. It usually works.


Lala – ESFP 7w6 or 3w4

Lala is a very beautiful white munchkin cat with short legs and a big fluffy tail. Since she is so short and fluffy, she looks like a puffy cloud. She loves being close to the action and going after treats like Lulu. She is very adventurous but at the same time gets easily frightened. She wants to do everything that the long-legged cats can do, and got once was unable to get down from a high place due to her short legs. Like most white cats, she knows she is fancy, and is a bit self-absorbed and often seeks others to groom her while she grooms herself. She is in love with DD, even though he sees her as a child.


Momo – ISTJ 5w6

Momo’s voice given by Claire is hilarious. He is a grumpy curmudgeon and holds a constant scowl. He looks like an orange pug. He is less serious than he leads others to believe. What is funny about Momo is that even though he looks unapproachable, Momo is a ladies cat. He especially is fond of his first love Lala, who is mostly unimpressed with his antics and hits him with her tiny leg. Lala is in love with DD, who still sees Lala as a kitten. Momo likes being patted on his rear and he is often found hanging out in the sheltered kitty litter box, often for a longer time than it takes to poop.


Chuchu – ISFJ 2w1

It’s hard to tell what Chuchu is like behind her ball of hair. She seems to hide behind her hair and is quite shy. Chuchu gravitates towards Lulu because he is brave and helps get her out of her shell. Whether Chuchu feels romantic towards Lulu, that’s uncertain. Chuchu doesn’t seem to like or dislike anyone, but it seems she likes Lulu, because Lulu helps her be more brave and assertive. Chuchu reminds us that when we’re really shy, it’s difficult to get out of your comfort zone by ourselves and it helps to have more outgoing friends to lean on. I believe that Chuchu is the only cat that really appreciates what Lulu offers.


Nana – ESFJ 2w3

Nana is the mother cat and is likely the most worldly of all of the cats. She has faced the cruel outside world head on and has had the hardest life of all of the cats. She was rescued from being euthanized at a shelter with her two kittens, which means she was possibly homeless or at least in a very unstable situation when she was put in a shelter. She interacts quite easily with strangers, as is shown when she was at the hospital and wasn’t shy at all around the two hospital cats, unlike Claire’s other cats. Since she has had a tough life, she seems to carry with her a sense of gratitude about being with Claire. She is mature, wise and hasn’t been shown fighting with any of the other cats and tries to get along with everyone. She is also protective of her kittens, but reasonably so, and allows the kittens to socialize with the cats. She seems to like DD.


The Kittens: Toto, Dodo – ??

These two kittens look alike to me and I can’t physically distinguish them. One of the cats is more extroverted, gregarious and mischievous than the other cat. One has a marking on the forehead that the other does not. Whatever. The gregarious cat seems to be the leader and the other cat follows. They have quickly turned into big cats from the beginning to the end of Summer 2020, but for now, the kittens are too young to have a proper Enneagram and Myers-Briggs assessment.


Posted by Chris Girard in Personal, Pseudopsychology
35mm Mirror Selfie, Haircut at Paul Mitchell The School Salon, 2007

35mm Mirror Selfie, Haircut at Paul Mitchell The School Salon, 2007

Paul Mitchell The School Costa Mesa
$ Cosmetology Schools, Hair Salons
3309 Hyland Ave
Costa Mesa, CA 92626

I have seen the best minds of my generation graduate from Paul Mitchell. None of whom currently style hair at a salon per se but all of whom have interesting life stories to share involving rock ‘n’ roll, Brooklyn, turntables, Basquiat, Polynesia, nipple rings, and first marriages.

Twenty novice scissors have cut my hair throughout the years. I wore a long mullet, a faux hawk and variations of mop-top and shoulder-length hair. None of my haircuts were ever horrible but that’s possible because I’m not very attached to hair. I quote one stylist-in-training: “as they say the difference between a good and a bad haircut is two weeks.” It’s also difficult to butcher a textured haircut. I tell my stylists to go wild and if anything, they shy away from the point cutting. Some take me up on it.

Phase one or novice level is $10 and phase two is $15. Hair dyeing is $25 or more depending on how much dye is needed. Tipping is also nice. If you want purposefully uneven hair with a razor or point cut, reconsider the extra five dollars on phase two as it is almost impossible to mess up hair that’s supposed to look wild with texture. Phase two is good if you want your hair done in about an hour as phase one can stretch beyond an hour-and-a-half. By the way, phase two stylists simultaneously work at the phase one section too. So you can get a more advanced student cutting your hair for cheaper.

The only problem I’ve ever had was not from the students but from one arrogant teacher. Long story. She nearly kicked me out with dye on my head after I told her to go away.

Useful:Funny:Cool: 5

12/20/2007

Posted by Chris Girard in Selfies
Other Humans: Strange Documentary Photos

Other Humans: Strange Documentary Photos

Even as an introvert, it was easy to meet people.

I am very attracted to people who lead strange and interesting lives. My friends didn’t have regular jobs at the time. I didn’t have a regular job. I have only ever been invited to weird weddings. I have connected well with people through social networking. I have met many others through music venues, like Koo’s Cafe, in the early 2000s. There are people everywhere. But I can only photograph people that I connect with. I failed a photojournalism class because I couldn’t connect with people. (Here’s to you for keeping your high ratio of graduating professional photojournalists intact, Ken Kobre.) 

Now, I’m a videographer.

I have been a videographer at the Echoplex since a darkwave New Years Eve night for Part Time Punks fated me to figure out how to do it. So now I work more with video and film than with photography. Los Angeles is a film city. I work as a videographer at The Echo and The Echoplex in Los Angeles and film many iconic musical groups under the umbrella of Live Nation. 

Clan of Xymox plays at The Echoplex on March 8th, four days before its closure. You can see the faithful ATEM control panel and video screens beside the band.
City Morgue had a very heavy show two days before The Echoplex shut down. I couldn't ask for a better last show to record. There was a massive amount of stage diving and dancing; more than any other show I've recorded in a while.

I filmed and recorded Clan of Xymox on March 8th, 2020 and City Morgue on March 10th, 2020 – days before COVID-19 stopped everything on March 12th, 2020. Each of the bands featured from these shows have been recorded, live streamed on at least eleven Samsung Smart TVs throughout the venue and the video recordings are saved on the video’s external hard drive at the Echoplex. 

I’m at least happy to witness two amazing and very different bands, one well-established goth rock/dark wave group and one powerful up-and-coming hip hop group, play at our venue on the last days before everything came to a halt. These last few days at the Echoplex sum up what I love about this venue – it offers an incredible and wide range of shows that come each week.

I sadly would have been the person live streaming and filming the Anti-Flag show at the Echoplex on Saturday, May 16th. Maybe one day it will happen.

Sister Nancy at The Echoplex
This is a picture of renowned Reggae singer Sister Nancy performing behind my massive multi-camera video displays using ATEM in 2019.
This is Jimmy of Jimmy Eat World at Emo Nite LA at the Echoplex in 2019.
Posted by Chris Girard in Documentary, Photo, Projects
MySpace Era: 2000s Selfies

MySpace Era: 2000s Selfies

 


 

Lots of Tattoos: The Present

Chris Girard - Spanish Citizenship I look like an artistic-leaning tattooed gay hipster now. This photo is a retouched selfie taken by me and done by Isaiah Garnica in the not-so-recent past of 2018. I was 35 years old. I was wearing a lace Gianni Versace shirt that I dyed black. It was turned into the identification photo for my Spanish citizenship.

I am presenting the pretentious selfie as a not-so-pretentious documentary of my past. These selfies began in the early 2000s on MakeOutClub. As a boy in his teens and very early 20s, I had a magical enigmatic presence on the camera that young people seem to carry and lose by their mid-20s.

 


 

2000-2003: The First Selfies

What makes a selfie a selfie is that it’s a photo taken of oneself for social media. Many photos of mine were taken on the bed of my San Francisco State dorm around the time when I first got my tripod in 2004 and then on my parents’ old air mattress that I slept on in my Dolores Street apartment in San Francisco. My presence on social media like MySpace made me feel like I had closer friends in New York City than in San Francisco. Before a selfie, this type of self-photography like that of Cindy Sherman had an artistic, poetic, and self-reflective purpose. They’re presented in my photo classes in the early 2000s. I owned a boxy Kodak digital camera (2001 to 2003), then a Canon Rebel Film Camera (2003-2007), then a Canon Rebel Digital Camera (2004 – 2010), then a Canon 7D Camera (2010-2017) and now a Canon 77D (2017 – Present). I developed a lot of 35mm black and white film of myself at the San Francisco State darkroom in my photo classes from Dale Kistemaker. Most of these early photos were seen on MakeOutClub (2000-2003), Friendster (2003-2004), MySpace (2004-2008), and then Facebook (2004 – 2011). I stopped using all social media after that.

 


 

Early Social Media

I was interviewed in early 2017 by Karen Lembke, someone who was an internet friend back in the day. She got me interested in thinking about early Social Media. It was about my experience using Makeoutclub. She showed me a screengrab from Page 6 of www.archive.org. She was trying to paint a picture of that early form of social media through people she used to talk to on the internet. Her broader scope was not to find me. But to find another guy she used to communicate with from MOC through me.

The text and picture boxes were the first of many social networking websites that I would become acquainted with on the internet. It was 2001. I was on Page 6 of the ‘boys’ section. It was a major social taboo to have your picture on such a website in high school in the early 2000s. This moment of submitting a webcam photo I had taken and had it displayed for all the internet to see completely changed my life and the years to come.

I discovered the power of having my profile on such a website. It was a relatively fast awareness. The attention I got made me very infamous in high school, and well-liked on the internet.

I wrote abstract poems and posted blurry images. It was enough to be attractive to people. Jeffree Star and I met on Melodramatic.com otherwise known as Melo in 2003. This is a photo of us at a former high school cheerleader roommate’s house on Melrose in Hollywood in 2004.

The focus on both fronts was a compelling enough reason to continue doing it. There was an eminence about it that I relished. I was still in high school and it was the first time I have ever felt like I was the center of attention. People would talk about me behind my back. Ex-friends would go out of their way to tell people that I was on an emo website. But go further to print and distribute it to others while commenting on my sexuality. It was not one or two people, it was a clique of 20 or 30 teenagers who told the entire school about my gay self and my gay profile!

I felt honored. For the first time, I was not overlooked. People wouldn’t ignore me at parties or think I was a bore whose foolish kindness was masked in social awkwardness. I wasn’t kind. I wanted to be the center of attention all the time. I did not want to be the quiet and moralizing bore who stops his teenage friends from having a fun time of throwing bleach onto strangers’ front lawns, as one of my ex-friends described his character named after me for his creative writing assignment.

I became popular in high school. I was invited to a lot of parties, made new friends, and watched pornography in a packed hummer limo with my new friends, and had the high school prom party at my parents’ house. I fell asleep on the floor while watching the music video to Missy Elliott’s Get Ur Freak On. Everyone else was either asleep like me or skinny dipping in the hot tub outside. I actually went to another prom the very next day in the same black eyeliner, pomade in my bleached hair and purple tie with a girl I met on Makeoutclub.

 


 

Conclusion

The selfie represents and misrepresents me. I discovered what I perceived to be myself through the internet because of the selfie. I think it was a window of the way I was feeling at the moment that was reflected by other people. The photos have changed a countless number of times over the years. I felt like a contortionist and have always updated a picture of myself posted somewhere on a social networking website or a blog as the years continued. These pictures have constantly broadcasted my identity to show who or what I have become. Over the past ten years, my social networking and blog pictures have piled up into a myriad of sprawls, facial expressions, different hairstyles, and clothing to demonstrate the changes in my identity and these pictures tell that story.

 


 

Christop: The Book of Selfies

http://www.blurb.com/books/2244891

Check out Christop (Blurb, 2011) for all of my boyish pictures from ages 20 to 24.

Posted by Chris Girard in Photo, Projects
Answering Every OkCupid Question Ever (Data Scraping)

Answering Every OkCupid Question Ever (Data Scraping)

Whoa. You’ve answered 2,899 questions.

This doesn’t happen very often. You’ve answered all of the questions!

OkCupid is a phenomenon that began for me in 2003 when it offered just quizzes and test results. You can find out what kind of dater you were, for example, then you could share your results on LiveJournal. And then something happened in the late 2000s, like in 2009, where they matched everyone’s answers together to being compatible or not. It was cool, and I learned a lot about myself through the thousands of questions I began to answer and more importantly, who I get along with. It was like really diving into what my moral compass was (or wasn’t) and how important hanging out with people with the same values I held was. I remember when I was taking an eight hour train train ride that ran along the coastline between Portland, Oregon to Vancouver, British Columbia and finished answering over 3,000 questions from my iPhone on OkCupid. I had a bit of an existential epiphany on that trip.

OKCupid - Y'all Got Issues

This is a screenshot from someone who is not a match (0% match) and is a 44% enemy from the “y’all got issues” section that used to let you compare questions to OkCupid enemies during its golden era in 2011.

From there, I began dating people around 2010 to 2012. I would consider this period the ‘golden age’ of OkCupid. They weren’t trying to compete with eHarmony. It showed you compatibility percentages, level of friend percentage and enemy percentages. The people were incredibly interesting and the high percentages yielded more interesting queer and poly people that I was looking for at the time. I ended up marrying a guy with similar progressive values as mine that I met on OkCupid in 2011 and we are still together. Let me repeat that: I married a guy from OkCupid. Honestly, I thank OkCupid for that period of time because it weeded out a lot of attractive people that I otherwise would have been into if I didn’t ‘see’ beneath the surface that they were very religious, politically moderate or conservative or serial monogamists. I am still friendly with a large portion of people I met on OKC in the early 2010s, so I really believed in the totality of the questions.

I stopped using OkCupid after around 2014 when I got busy with a job and my long-term relationship from OkCupid. And many years later, I see billboards with pastel backdrops and very corny and ‘young professional’ and mainstream-looking people in normcore clothes on billboards in Silver Lake advertising OkCupid. Their demographic has a day job at Buzzfeed. I think they’re trying to compete with eHarmony and achieve the mainstream market of daters. I revisited it and the questions have become a lot more dry for the serious eHarmony type dater, and made for fast coupling. They’re made for people who work too much and who don’t have time to fuck around before marriage.

So the reward I get for answering every dumb question on OkCupid is that it ultimately says, “find matches.” Here is every question on OkCupid and every answer I have given. The bold responses are my answers. The italic answers include the comments I wrote. The stars next to a question indicate the questions that I found “important.” This is stuff I have answered between 2010 and 2020, so many answers are going to be different than how I might answer now.

 


 

The Questions

 

Do you celebrate the 4/20 holiday?

Yes
No
Sometimes
Don’t know what that is

 

Large-scale seasonal holidays (Christmas, Diwali, Thanksgiving) are:

One of life’s great pleasures
Crypto-fascist mummery
A bit of fun
Tolerable

 

 What is your favorite Thanksgiving dinner dish?

Turkey
Stuffing
Potatoes
Cranberry sauce

 

Do you shop on Black Friday?

Of Course!
No way!

 

Do you think prescription drugs should be more accessible?

Absolutely
Not really

 

 Tattoos?

Turn on
Turn off

 

 Are you concerned about rising sea levels?

Yes!
Not really

 

How will you vote in the 2020 presidential election?

Democrat
Honestly not sure
Republican
I won’t vote

 

 Do you support marriage equality?

Yes
No

 

Exchanging memes?

Sure!
Nope

 

Of the frontrunners of the 2020 election, who are you most likely to support?

Biden
Sanders
Trump
Warren

 

 Could you date someone who wouldn’t vote for a woman?

Yes
No

 

Do you create your own recipes or follow recipes?

I like to go rogue
Depends
Always follow!

 

 Do you enjoy cooking dates?

Yes, they’re my favorite!
Sometimes
No, I don’t like making my food

 

RuPaul’s Drag Race?

Yas queen!
Not a fan

 

 How do you feel about cooking with a partner?

Love it!
Not my favorite

 

 Bigger deal: sharing your bed or your history in bed?

Sharing your bed
Sharing your history in bed

 

Are you willing to go out on dates during the coronavirus outbreak?

Yes, of course
No, I want to wait for this to end before meeting

 

Are tacos on your top 5 favorite food list?

Yes
No

 

Do you put ice in your wine?

Yes, I have
Nope!

 

If a brand shares your political values does it influence how you feel about it?

Yes
No

 

 Would you date someone who is the same sexual position as you?

Yes
Only if we can take turns
No

 

Do you enjoy using sex toys with a partner?

Yes
No

 

 Do you consider it cheating to hook up with the opposite sex?

Yes
Depends on the situation
No

 

Is pizza on your top 5 favorite food list?

YES!
Nope

 

Have you faced discrimination within the LGBTQ+ community?

Yes
No

 

 Would you commit long-term to someone of the same sex?

Yes
For the right person
No

 

Do you practice safe sex?

Always
Usually
Never

 

Shower sex?

Yes please
No thank you

 

Are you attracted to one gender more than another?

Yes
No

 

Would you be open to dating someone who does drag?

Yas, queen!
Not really
I do drag, so yes!

 

Do you consider yourself an activist?

Yes
No

 

Did your family support you coming out?

Yes, it was amazing!
Not at first, but it’s getting better
No, we don’t discuss it

 

Could you date someone who doesn’t believe in vaccinating?

Sure
Hell no

 

Does your family understand your gender and sexual identity?

Yes
It’s a work in progress
No

 

Do you feel entertainers should be held accountable for jokes they made many years ago?

Yes, they should be held accountable
No, if the jokes were funny then- it’s fine

 

Are gender and sexuality labels important to you?

Yes, identity is important
No, I am who I am

 

Do you enjoy foreplay or sex more?

Foreplay
Sex

 

 How long do you typically wait before moving in with a partner?

Less than 1 year
After 1 year

 

 Do you clap when a plane lands?

Yes
No

 

Do you support Trump’s travel ban?

Absolutely not!
Yes, it’s for safety

 

Does size matter?

Yes
No

 

Does bottoming affect what you eat?

Yes it sucks
Not really
I don’t bottom

 

Are you openly bisexual?

Yes
Only to some people
No

 

Is LGBTQ+ homelessness an important issue to you?

Yes
No

 

 Do you mind straight people being at LGBTQ+ bars?

Yes please go
Doesn’t matter to me
No, everyone’s welcome!

 

When did you come out?

Teenagehood
Adulthood
I’m not out

 

 Is a soulmate worth waiting for?

Yes
No

 

Are you registered to vote?

Yes
No

 

 Do you vape/use e-cigs?

Yes, regularly
Occasionally, when I can’t smoke a cigarette
No, but I’m interested
No, never

 

 Do you feel families should be separated at the US border?

Yes
No

 

 Do you feel Trump should be impeached?

Yes!
Not necessarily
No!

 

How do you feel about talking politics with your family?

It’s important
Hell no

 

 Do you feel there needs to be prison reform in the U.S.?

Yes
No

 

Would you date someone that vaped/used e-cigs?

Yeah
Nah

 

 Is a tongue stud a turn-on?

Yes
No
I haven’t seen a tongue stud in almost 20 years.

 

How do you feel when you see people getting engaged on your social media?

Good for them!
Honestly, a little jealous

 

Are family planning benefits important to you when you’re looking for a job?

Definitely!
Not really

 

 Does the US need stricter gun control?

Yes
No

 

 Is it racist to say you are generally sexually attracted to a particular race?

Yes
No

 

Do you like going to brunch?

Yes!
Not really

 

 Do you like to argue?

Yes
No

 

Are you willing to pay extra for guac?

Yes
No

 

Do you want to visit Area 51?

Yes, the truth is out there
No, the truth is not out there

 

Do you enjoy planning a date?

Yes, I have so many ideas!
No, there’s too much pressure

 

Do you try to limit your screen time?

Yes!
I try and fail
No
I really need to limit it

 

Do you drink iced coffee all year-round?

Yes, even when it’s winter
No, it’s a seasonal beverage

 

 Do you believe in psychics?

Yes, I see one regularly
Yes, but I don’t see one
No, I don’t

 

Would you date someone who doesn’t exercise their right to vote?

Yes
No

 

 Do you practice self-care?

Yes, regularly
Yes, sometimes
No, but I want to
No

 

 Should people be penalized if they don’t vote in elections?

Yes
No

 

Do you volunteer?

Yes, regularly
Yes, every once in a while
No, but I’d like to
No

 

How often do you check social media?

Too often
A healthy amount
Barely at all
I don’t use social media

 

What do you do with your tax refund (if you get one)?

Spend it
Save it
A little of both

 

 Can you separate an artist/entertainer’s bad behavior from their art?

Yes
No

 

 How are you feeling about the 2020 election?

Hopeful about the candidates
Unsure about how I feel
I’m still devastated about the 2016 election
Ready for 4 more years of Trump

 

How do you feel about coffee dates?

Not for me
Love ’em

 

What’s more attractive in a partner?

Exercising
Exercising their right to vote

 

Are you excited for the new season of Stranger Things?

Yes, I’ve got my Eggos ready
A little
Not really
I don’t watch Stranger Things

 

Do you vote in midterm and local elections?

Yes
No, I vote in the general election every 4 years
No, I don’t vote
It depends on who’s running

 

 Do you care about new Supreme Court appointees?

Yes
No

 

Do you support the Green New Deal?

Yes
No

 

 Do you have any clothing/accessories with the American flag printed on it?

Yes, I wear them all the time
Yes, but I only wear them on certain holidays
Yes, but they’re ironic
No

 

Have you ever practiced an awards show acceptance speech?

Yes, don’t call me out like this
No, I haven’t

 

Do you like going to weddings?

Yes
It depends on who is getting married
Not really

 

Do you still make a summer reading list?

Yes, gotta have those beach reads
No, but I’d like to
Nope

 

Would you rather use Lyft or Uber?

Lyft
Uber
Whichever is cheaper
I don’t use ridesharing

 

 When can someone wear white pants?

Only between Memorial Day and Labor Day
Whenever they want
Never
Only when they know they won’t spill

 

How excited are you for the next Star Wars movie?

The excitement is strong with this one
A little, I’ll see it eventually
Not at all

 

What do you prefer to swim in?

Ocean
Pool
Lake
I don’t swim

 

Do you like going to summer music festivals?

Yes, love ’em
No, but I’d like to one day
I’m not interested in going to them

 

Do you like true crime shows, podcasts, books, etc.?

Yes
No

 

Do you buy a wedding gift when you go to a wedding?

Yes, always
Yes, but only if I don’t have to travel
Only if I’m close to the people getting married
No, my presence is a present

 

Would you wear shorts to work?

Yeah
Yes, because I work outside
No way
I would but my workplace doesn’t allow it

 

Do you watch more TV during the summer?

Yes, it’s time to catch up
No, I’m out doing other stuff
I watch the same amount

 

Would you rather go to the beach or the mountains on vacation?

Beach
Mountains

 

Do you think social media is contributing to Fake News?

Yes
No

 

Do you think companies should allow employees to have paid period leave?

Yes
No

 

Are you saving for retirement?

Yes
No

 

Would you have children with a partner if you were not married?

Yes
No
I won’t have children until I have enough money to support them, which I don’t realistically see happening for the next ten years.

 

 Do you speak more than one language?

Yes
No
No, but I want to learn

 

 What do you think about gender neutral passports?

I’m in favor of them
I think they’re unnecessary

 

Do you fold underwear?

Yes
No

 

How often do you speak to your parents?

At least once a week
At least once a month
Only on special occasions
I don’t

 

Are you currently saving to buy your own home?

Yes
No
Why buy when you can rent?

 

Do you meditate?

Yes
Transcendental meditation since 2013
No

 

 Would you prefer a group first date or one-on-one?

Group date, there’s less pressure
One-on-one, I want to get to know that person

 

 Would you be open to a long-distance relationship?

Yes, for the right person we can make it work
It depends on how far away they are
No, I can’t do long distance

 

 Would you live with a partner before marriage?

Yes
Only if we were engaged
No

 

 How do you feel about having joint bank accounts in a long term relationship?

I prefer joint accounts
I prefer independent accounts

 

How would you feel if your partner earned more money than you?

Jealous
Indifferent
Inferior
Thrilled

 

 Have you attended a protest march?

Yes
No
No, but I’d like to

 

 Is it important to you that your partner practices the same religion as you?

Yes
No, I don’t mind if we practice different religion
It depends on their religion
No, I don’t practice a religion

 

Do you answer work email on the weekend?

Yes
Self employed, I work on gigs
No
Only if it’s urgent

 

 Freedom of the press is…

Important
Not important

 

 Are you concerned about climate change?

Yes
No

 

 Do you prefer that your date shares your political views?

Yes
No

 

Do you know anyone who has married someone they met on a dating app?

Yes
My husband
No

 

Best first date?

Coffee
Something cultural or activity based
Drinks
Dinner

 

Could you date someone who doesn’t vote?

Yes
Absolutely Not

 

 Do you have any tattoos?

I have 1 or more big tattoos
I have at least one.
I have 1 or more little tattoos
I have no tattoos

 

 When you are sleeping, do you prefer:

A cold room
A cool room
A warm room
A hot room

 

Sharing a toothbrush with your partner is…

Utterly disgusting
Okay, sometimes
A sign of closeness

 

 Which of the following has the biggest influence on your behavior?

Reason, Observation, Empiricism, Trial-And-Error.
Tradition, Faith, Upbringing, Heritage.
Emotion, Intuition, Instinct.

 

Is foreplay necessary for good sex?

Yes
No
I’ve had incredibly good sex in public, out of fear and exhilaration. So there must be some type of chemical link between the adrenaline from risky sex and the intimacy or bond from foreplay.

 

Which event sounds most appealing?

Sci-Fi Convention
Political Convention
Music Festival
New Years Eve in Times Square

 

How frequently do you drink alcohol?

Often
Sometimes
Rarely
Never

 

Would you rather…

be tied up during sex
do the tying
avoid bondage all together
sometimes be tied up, sometimes do the tying

 

If you had a dream in which you were having sex with a close friend, would you tell them about it?

Yes.
No.
It depends upon which friend.

 

Do you feel comfortable in an educational or academic environment?

I love it; I’d possibly make teaching a career
Yes, but sixteen to twenty years is enough for me
I can tolerate it, it’s just a means to an end
Get me as far from school as possible. Now!

 

Do you have a TV in your bedroom?

Yes
No

 

Would you date someone who was in considerable debt?

Yes, it’s not a problem for me
Yes, if I thought the debt were justified
No

 

Are you friends with mostly men or mostly women?

Mostly men
Mostly women
It’s pretty mixed

 

Are the holidays a romantic time of year?

Yes
No

 

Would you introduce a new significant other to your family at the holidays?

Yes, it’s the perfect time
No, there’s too much going on

 

Would you rather go home for the holidays or travel somewhere else?

There’s no place like home for the holidays
It’s called a holiday for a reason!

 

Is Die Hard a Christmas movie?

Yes
No

 

Do you make New Year’s resolutions?

Yes, and I keep them
Yes, but they’re out the window by February
No

 

Your family dog/cat is diagnosed with an illness, and the vet bill will be $2,000. Do you :

Save Fluffy–to hell with the expense!
Grudgingly pay the bill.
Have Fluffy put down

 

Are you kinky?

Yes
No
A bit

 

Do you generally smile at little kids who cross your path?

Yes
No
Only if no one is looking

 

Is it wrong to cultivate or manufacture illegal drugs?

Yes, always
No, never
Sometimes

 

Would you ideally like to be married within the next 3 years?

Yes
No
Possibly
I’m already married

 

Are you ready to settle down and get married right now?

Absolutely
No way
Get married yes, settle down no
Get married no, settle down yes

 

Do you think dating apps should be somewhat or completely responsible for helping daters become better, more respectful daters?

Yes
No

 

 Are you upset when your partner flirts with someone else?

Yes, they shouldn’t be doing that
No, it’s human nature

 

 Do you find that you’re more open-minded after you’ve visited somewhere new?

Yes
No

 

How important do you think it is for people who are dating to share the same home country?

Very important
Somewhat important
Not important at all
It can actually be better if they don’t

 

Cilantro?

Yes, please
No, thank you

 

Do you think answering yes or no questions will help you find your soulmate?

Yes
No

 

Is it easier for you to talk to people online or in person?

Online
In person

 

Should partners know one another’s passwords?

Yes
No

 

 Are you a cable cordcutter? i.e. stream only

Yes
No

 

When possible, DIY or buy?

DIY for sure
Buy always
Little bit of both

 

 What is the primary way you get your news?

Social Media
Podcasts
TV or Print
Not into the news

 

Do you ask to speak to the manager when you’re displeased with your service?

Without question
Not my style
Only if the situation is dire

 

If the movie you want to watch is not free on Amazon Prime, Netflix, Hulu, etc, do you pay for it or find another movie?

Find another movie
Pay for it
Give up and don’t watch anything

 

Do you need a college degree to be successful?

Yes
No

 

Would you cosplay at Comic-Con?

Yes
No
I’ve done it before!

 

 iPhone or Android?

Android forever
iPhone—blue bubbles only
Still rocking that flip phone

 

Are you 420 friendly?

I’m all about that cannabis culture
I get high sometimes
Nah brah

 

Have you ever tried a marijuana sex product (cannabis lube, condoms, dildos)?

Yes
No, but tell me more
No

 

Have you fallen head over heels before?

Yes
No

 

 Are you hoping to fall head over heels?

Yes
No

 

 Do you think it’s human nature to flirt, even when you’re with someone?

Yes, so I’m okay with it
Yes, but that doesn’t mean I’m okay with it
No, but I’m okay with it
No, it’s not a legitimate excuse and not okay

 

If someone you loved was banned from entering your country, what would you do?

Go to their country
Fight to help them come to your country
Never see them in person

 

Are you a hugger?

Yes
No

 

 Do you think catcalling is a form of harassment?

Yes
No

 

Do you have faith in humanity?

Yes
No

 

Would you choose to use your vacation time to go on a cruise?

Yes
No

 

Would you ever run for office?

Yes
No
Maybe if it was the right position

 

Are you into PDA?

Oh yeah
Not so much
As long as I don’t have to watch it

 

Do you prefer to share food?

Yes
No
Only if it’s meant to be shared

 

 Therapy?

Necessary
Good for some people
Not for me
Total BS

 

Are you an avid reader?

I read regularly
I read on occasion
I rarley read

 

What do you think is the best way to connect with someone you’re interested in?

Talking
Doing an activity together
Having sex

 

Do you believe most disagreements happen because people aren’t logical?

Yes
No

 

If you see an attractive stranger (offline), do you introduce yourself?

Yes, usually
Yes, but only in certain settings (bars, clubs)
Once in a while
Never

 

Getting high on a date:

sounds like fun
is not for me

 

Being romantically approached by a stranger is:

Usually more annoying than nice
Usually more nice than annoying

 

 Could you be in a committed relationship with someone who regularly smokes pot (> 2 times a week)?

Yes
Only if it were for medical use
No

 

What’s the best part of dating?

The anticipation
The actual dates
The sex
Having someone to take as your plus-one

 

 Do you think statues and streets named after confederate generals should be removed or changed?

Yes
No
I don’t care

 

Have you ever fantasized about hooking up with a co-worker?

Yes, and I have acted on it
Yes, and I have not acted on it
No

 

Would you date someone who did not support the #MeToo movement?

Yes
No

 

 Do you think it’s important to challenge typical gender roles in dating?

Yes
No

 

 Would you be upset if your partner sat on someone else’s lap?

Yes
No

 

 Should your partner have the same taste in TV shows as you?

Yes, we need to watch together
No, we don’t need to watch together
No, I don’t watch much TV

 

Marvel or DC?

Marvel, for sure
DC, all the way
They’re both great
What’s the difference?

 

Would you consider dating someone who has no interest in sex and experiences no sexual attraction?

Yes
No

 

Should you and your significant other be watching the same TV shows?

Yes, it’s a fun way to spend time together
No, it’s not that important to me

 

 Do you tag your friends in memes?

Yes!
No, it’s annoying
What’s a meme?

 

 Do you turn your phone off at the movies?

Of course, I’m not a monster
I put it on silent or airplane mode
No, but I put it away
No, I still use it

 

 Do you think the military should ban transgender people from service?

No
Yes
I’m not sure

 

 Do you think the US government unfairly over-incarcerates people of color?

Yes, definitely
Maybe, but I stand by what’s decided in each case
No, it does not
I’m not sure

 

 How often do you take selfies?

Daily
A few times a week
Occasionally
Never

 

What’s your Hogwarts house?

Gryffindor
Hufflepuff
Ravenclaw
Slytherin

 

Is a hotdog a sandwich?

Yes
No

 

Do you like writing lists?

1. Yes 2. Yes! 3. YES
No

 

Are sex and intimacy the same thing?

Yes
No

 

What’s your opinion of the phrase “making love” when it refers to sex?

It’s beautiful.
It’s hokey and overly sentimental.
It refers to a very specific kind of sex.
It’s no better or worse than any other.

 

How much do you usually tip a server who did a fine job?

Around 10% or less
10-15%
15-20%
Over 20%

 

When you go out for dinner, which best describes the type of establishments you visit the most?

Fast Food.
Casual Dining.
Fine Dining.

 

What do you think of the prospect of having sexual intercourse while wearing some type of costume(fur-suit, sci-fi costume, clown suit, whatever).

Yes way
No way

 

 Which would you prefer your ideal match to be more into?

Sports
Books
Music
Movies

 

How do you feel about TV reboots?

Love ’em!
ENOUGH
Only if it’s for a show I like
I’m indifferent

 

Do you still order off the kids menu?

Yes, let me live
Once in a while
No, I am an adult

 

Are you a coffee snob?

Very much so
Not really, I’ll drink anything
I don’t drink coffee

 

Should engineers be required to take humanities classes?

Yes, it’s an essential part of curriculum
Why not? It’s an easy grade
No, it’s a waste of time

 

 How often do you go to a place of worship?

On a regular basis
Only on certain occasions
Rarely
Never

 

Are you a good trivia team member?

You bet
Only for certain topics
No, please help me
I hate trivia

 

What do you do when a new season of your favorite Netflix show drops?

Watch it all in one sitting
Binge it with multiple breaks
Watch it slowly to make it last
I didn’t even know there was a new season

 

How much have your values changed since you were 16?

A lot
A little
Not much
Not at all

 

Do you share your streaming platform passwords with other people?

Of course!
Only if they split the cost
I only use other people’s passwords
No, I don’t share

 

Do you think celebrities should share their political opinions?

No, they should stick to their area of expertise
Yes, they are citizens too

 

Would you rather cook your own food or order takeout?

Cook it myself
Order takeout

 

 Do you like using party drugs like MDMA/molly?

Yes
Yes, but rarely
Nope, not at all

 

What is the longest you’ve traveled to meet up with someone from a dating app?

Less than an hour
Between one and five hours
More than five hours
I’ve never met up with someone from a dating app

 

Can you tell from someone’s dating profile whether or not you’ll get along in real life?

Yes, usually
About half the time
No, usually
I don’t know

 

Have you ever owned sex toys?

Yes
No

 

Which is better: sex without sleeping together or sleeping together without sex?

Sex
Sleeping

 

Do you hope to move around a lot?

Yes, I’d like to live in many places
No, I’m ready to put down roots
I might move once or twice

 

Do you ever send naked selfies?

Yes
Yes, but only to someone I’m seriously dating
No, never

 

Blindfolds in bed:

Are hot if I’m wearing one
Are hot if my partner is wearing one
I could take them or leave them
Are not really my thing

 

Would you date someone still in the closet?

Yes
No
For a limited time

 

Are you turned on by feet?

Absolutely, I have a foot fetish
Sure, feet can be sexy sometimes
Nope

 

 Are you turned on by sex in public?

Yes, but I would never do it myself
Yes, and I’m so down
No

 

 Have you ever had a friend with benefits?

Yes, I’ve had several
Yes, I’ve had one or two
No, I keep my friends and relationships separate

 

 Is the US educational system designed to benefit the rich?

Yes
No

 

 How important is it for you to help give your partner an orgasm?

Very important
Somewhat important, but it’s not everything
Not very important

 

 Do you support the Women’s March?

Yes, absolutely
No, but I get it
Absolutely not

 

How do you feel about golden showers?

They’re a turn on
Maybe, I could be convinced
Not for me, I’m a germaphobe
Can’t, I might run for office one day

 

Is squirting sexy?

Yes
No
Excuse me?

 

Would you introduce someone you’ve started seeing casually to your friends?

Yes
No, I like to keep my dating life private
Maybe, it depends on the person

 

Should there be stricter laws regulating harassment/bullying online?

Yes
No, we have a right to free speech
I don’t know

 

After you stop seeing someone romantically, do you stay friends with them on social media?

No, I like to have a clean break
Yes, I don’t mind staying connected

 

Do you think big is beautiful?

Yes
No

 

 Should bathrooms be gender neutral?

Yes
No

 

 Is mansplaining a thing?

Yes, and it’s awful
Yes, but it’s not a big deal
Nope, not a thing

 

Who should pay for Plan B?

Me
My partner
I’m against Plan B

 

 Would you consider yourself a feminist?

Yes
No
To some extent

 

Would you ever consider making a sex video with your partner?

Yes, and I have
Yes, and I’d like to try
Nope, not for me

 

How long after you’ve started dating someone do you follow them on social media?

Before we’ve met in person
After the first couple of dates
Not until we’re in a relationship
I’m not into social media

 

 Do you need a creative outlet (to play an instrument, paint, write, etc)?

Yes, I need a way to express myself
Sometimes, but I could live without it
I’m fine without one

 

Do you ever ghost someone (cut off contact without warning) after meeting in person?

No, never
Sometimes I might
Yes, it’s just easier

 

Did you vote in the last election?

Yes
No

 

 When it comes to sex, are you GGG (Good, Giving, and Game)?

Hell yea
Kind of, but I have my limits
Not so much
I don’t know what this means

 

 Are you texty before you meet someone from a dating app in person?

Yes, it’s a good way to get to know someone
Minimally, just to make plans
No, I’d rather meet in person first

 

 Do you have a side hustle (sideline to bring in extra cash)?

Yes
No

 

 Would an immigration ban that targets Muslims make the country safer?

Yes, and we should enforce one
Maybe, but we shouldn’t enforce one
No

 

Do you have student debt?

Yes, I’ll be paying it off until I die
Yes, but it’s manageable
No, I paid it off
No, I never had it

 

 Trump?

Hell No
No
Yes
Hell Yes

 

 Are traditional gender roles important in a romantic relationship?

Yes
No, they’re outdated

 

 Are you flaky (i.e. cancel plans at the last minute)?

No, I take my commitments very seriously
Sometimes I cancel, but I give advanced notice
Sometimes I cancel at the last minute
Honestly, I flake a lot

 

 Should the government defund Planned Parenthood?

Yes
No
I don’t know

 

 Should we be fighting to close the gender wage gap?

Definitely, it’s ridiculous there’s a discrepancy
It’s not top priority
What wage gap?
I don’t care

 

 Are you open to a casual relationship (i.e. more than a hookup, less than a significant other)?

Yes, I’m open to casual
Yes, but only if my partner were reliable
No

 

 People who were scared shitless after the 2016 US election:

Don’t know what’s good for them
Are totally over exaggerating
I get it, but I wasn’t
I was one of them

 

Swipe culture in dating apps?

Makes dating easy
I don’t love it but I tolerate it
I dislike it

 

 Should the US build a wall between the US & Mexico?

Yes, no matter what
Yes, but only if Mexico pays for it
Yes, but only if Mexico doesn’t pay for it
100% No

 

 Is climate change real?

Yes
No

 

Which is more important right now?

Advancing in my career
Finding a relationship

 

 Should abortion be legal?

Absolutely
Absolutely not
Sometimes, it depends

 

 Did you Feel the Bern?

Yes
No
Just a light bern
I don’t know what this means

 

 Would you consider being part of a throuple (a three person couple)?

Absolutely
Maybe, I could be convinced
Absolutely not

 

 Do you believe guns should be allowed in schools?

Yes, always
Sometimes, it depends
No, never

 

 Do you ever Skype/call/video chat a date you met online before meeting up in person?

Yes, I prefer to chat digitally before meeting
Sometimes
Maybe, if someone asked me to
Never

 

 Do you smoke?

Yes
No
Rarely

 

Say you’ve started seeing someone you really like. As far as you’re concerned, how long will it take before you have sex?

1-2 dates
3-5 dates
6 or more dates
Only after the wedding

 

My hair is usually…

Very well groomed.
Given a good combing.
Intentionally unruly or unkempt.
Left untouched.

 

Have you ever cosplayed? (Dressed up as a comic/anime character)

Yes
No, and I wouldn’t be interested
No, but it sounds cool

 

Is it a requirement that you communicate every day with your significant other (via phone, text, in person, whatever)?

Yes, no matter what
Yes, unless otherwise specified
No, it’s not necessary
Anything that becomes a requirement for a partner becomes a rule thats meant to be broken.
No, I’d prefer not to communicate daily

 

Do you carry condoms?

Always
Sometimes
Rarely
Never

 

Would receiving a massage from someone, whom you find very attractive, arouse you sexually?

Yes.
No.
I’m not sure.

 

Regardless of future plans, what’s more interesting to you right now?

Sex
Love

 

 Are you a people person?

Yes
No

 

In terms of sex, how experienced would your ideal mate be (with people other than you)?

Innocent (virgin)
Slightly experienced
Moderately experienced
Very experienced

 

If you had a sexual fantasy that you know your partner is turned off by, would you bring it up anyway or keep it to yourself?

I’d bring it up anyway.
I’d keep it to myself.

 

Do you enjoy discussing politics?

Yes
No

 

 Do you prefer hardcore or softcore when it comes to your porn?

Hard!
Soft!
Both!
I don’t like porn

 

Is is important that your match be somewhat internet savvy?

Yes
No

 

 If you were to get married, would you want your partner to change his or her last name to yours?

Yes.
No.
I would want them to make their own decision.

 

How clear to you are your goals in life?

Very clear.
Somewhat clear.
Not at all clear.

 

Do you like the taste of beer?

Yes
No

 

Would you consider having a relationship with someone who is married, but no longer has sex with their spouse?

Yes
No

 

Are you squeamish about sharing food or beverages with the person you’re dating?

Yes
No
Only at first

 

Do you like holding hands?

Yes
No

 

Do you feel obligated to help your fellow human beings?

Yes
No

 

How important is voting to you?

Extremely important
Very important
Not so important
Not at all important

 

If you were walking outside, would you try to avoid stepping on any insects that cross your path?

Yes.
No.
Actually, I step on as many as possible.

 

 When you draw a picture, write a poem, or otherwise do something creative, are you shy about letting other people see it?

Sometimes
Rarely
Often
If I’m still learning the required skills

 

How often do you masturbate?

Once a day or more
A few times a week
A few times a month
A few times a year or less

 

Do you examine the nutritional information for the food you buy in stores?

Always.
Sometimes.
Never.

 

Which describes you better?

Confrontational
Non-confrontational

 

Which is worse: being too much of a dreamer or too cynical?

too much of a dreamer
too cynical

 

Do you own any sexy underwear?

Yes
No

 

Are you a pet person?

Yes
No

 

Do you like to burn incense in your home?

Yes.
No.
I’ve never burnt incense in my home before.

 

 Do you think men who are sitting down should stand up when a woman comes to the table/enters the room?

Yes / Usually
No / Not usually

 

If you really clicked with someone online and were meeting them in person, how would you greet them when you met them?

Say hi / shake their hand
Give them a friendly hug
Give them a kiss on the cheek
Start making out with them almost immediately

 

Do you like to wear a costume for Halloween?

Yes
No

 

How often do you have trouble sleeping at night?

Always.
Frequently.
Rarely.
Never.

 

Do you enjoy watching movies with subtitles?

Yes
No

 

Do you like to go clubbing?

Yes, I prefer to go alone.
Yes, I prefer to go with a date.
Yes, I prefer to go with friends.
No, I do not like to go clubbing.

 

Would you rather have your dream job or your soul mate for the rest of your life?

Dream Job
Soul Mate

 

Is it important that humans go to Mars?

Yes
No

 

 Should a business be able to deny service to a customer if they feel a customer’s request conflicts with their religious beliefs?

Yes
No

 

 Should illegal immigrants have access to government-subsidized healthcare?

Yes
Yes, but only for life threatening emergencies
No

 

 Should immigrants be required to learn the official language of the country they are living in?

Yes
No

 

Should the government be allowed to use enhanced interrogation techniques when dealing with potential terrorists?

Yes
No

 

Should the government require children to be vaccinated for preventable diseases?

Yes
No

 

 ______ Lives Matter

Black
All
I’m not familiar with these movements / no opinion

 

 How do you feel about laws which block transgender individuals from using public bathrooms that match their gender identity?

They’re discriminatory
They’re necessary

 

Could you date someone with a significant Taoist lean in their outlook on life?

Yes, I love the Tao Te Ching.
Sure, why not?
No, they’d be too laid back.
What the hell is Taoism?

 

Regardless of your actual age, do you consider yourself to be an adult?

Yes.
No.
Only some of the time.

 

Which superpower would you rather have?

Flight
Invisibility

 

 Are you a workaholic?

Yes
No
Not a workaholic doesn’t equal laziness

 

Are you better with numbers or words?

Numbers
Words
Both equally

 

Are you a beer snob?

Yes
No
Not usually, but some beers I won’t touch.
I don’t drink.

 

What is your preferred cuddling position?

Big spoon
Small spoon
All spoons

 

Which is more important to you: Developing yourself or developing friendships?

Self development.
Developing friendships.

 

At this point, are you physically able to have children?

Yes / I think so
No

 

When I go out to eat, I go to a large chain restaurant:

Exclusively
Sometimes
Once in a while
Never

 

What style in clothes would you wear most of the time, if you could?

Loose and comfortable
Tight and sexy
Clean and formal

 

Do you ever intentionally try to make people angry just to see how they react?

Yes
No

 

Taking everything into account, do you think the world is a better place than it was thirty years ago?

Yes, it is better now.
No, it evens out to be about the same.
No, in fact, it is worse now.

 

Do you find very outgoing people annoying?

Yes
No

 

Which is more useful to you: street smarts or book smarts?

Street smarts.
Book smarts.

 

Imagine that a friend sets you up on a blind date that sounds like a perfect match, except for one problem: the date neither speaks nor understands any languages that you do. This is:

A deal breaker. The date gets called off.
A pretty big issue, but I’d still go on the date.
Awesome!

 

Motorcycles are…

Good transportation / fun.
Good for others but not for me.
Bad and should be outlawed.
Not interesting.

 

Do you believe that a major goal of educational systems should be to make people “better members of society”?

Yes
No

 

 Do you think people are capable of being in long term relationships with one person?

Yes
No
I can’t decide

 

How would you describe your body?

Slender
Average
Athletic
Voluptuous

 

 Where would you prefer to live?

Big city (urban)
Suburbs
Small town
The country / middle of nowhere

 

Which makes for a better first date?

Coffee and chit-chat
Drinks and making out

 

 Should wealthier people pay higher taxes?

Yes
Too many people say no this; too many people I don’t want to meet.
No

 

Do you think humans have enough respect for the Earth’s other species?

Yes, too much
Yes, about right
No

 

Do you dress up for Halloween almost every year?

Yes
No

 

 Can you think of someone that you truly hate, not just severely dislike?

Yes
No

 

Do you use foul language?

Yes
No

 

How important is it that your partner is shaved/groomed downstairs?

SHAVE IT ALL OFF!!!!!!
As long as it is neat I am happy.
Natural is better!
I don’t know/ I don’t care

 

If you found out that your significant other had been in pornographic films, which of the following most closely describes your reaction?

Repulsion
Arousal
Indifference

 

Do you believe that alcoholism is a disease?

Yes
No

 

Do you ever ignore people?

Yes
No

 

If your partner pulled out a gram of cocaine and a mirror, how would you react?

Hallelujah, where’s my credit card?
I might take a few bumps.
No thanks, the 80’s are so over.
We are so over.

 

Do you usually wash your hands before every meal?

Yes
No

 

Do you believe that it is possible for two previously platonic friends to start having casual sex without affecting other aspects of their relationship?

Yes
No

 

How do you feel about crystal healing?

I think it works.
I think it’s a load of crap.
I respect these beliefs, but it’s not for me.
I’m not sure.

 

How often do you wear underwear?

Always
Usually
Rarely
Never

 

Would you sign a prenup?

Yes
No

 

Do you dream of traveling the world or are you happy where you are?

Where’s my ticket?
I’m fine where I am, thanks

 

Is intoxication ever an acceptable excuse for acting stupid?

Yes
No

 

Is it possible for someone to really be ‘too nice’?

Yes
No

 

 How do you take your coffee?

Black
With cream and/or sugar
A venti caramel soy macchiato …
Put that coffee down! Coffee is for closers only.

 

 Do you have a problem with racist jokes?

Yes
No

 

 Do you like girls with tattoos?

Yes
No
I could care less
Its incredibly sexy

 

Do you enjoy giving oral sex?

Love it!
It’s okay.
Not so much.
Gross!

 

Are spirituality and religion one and the same?

Yes
No

 

Do you make your bed most days?

Yes
No

 

 Do you think it is possible for someone to be an Atheist and still have a solid moral framework by which to live?

Yes
No

 

You’re getting ready for work and your lover wants to get frisky. Does this annoy you?

Typically yes
Typically no

 

It is your first visit to your date’s home. You discover that the decor is dominated by the display of numerous action figures. What is your reaction?

Awesome, let’s play!
Fine, so long as they don’t expect me to play.
It’s me or the toys.
Leave and never look back.

 

Does it bother you when people sing the wrong words to a popular song?

Yes
No

 

Have you ever written something on the wall of a public toilet?

Yes
No

 

Do you have experience being in a slave/master relationship?

Yes
No

 

What’s worse on a first date?

No physical attraction
Trying to think of a way to reveal during a ‘great conversation’ that I find a date to be unattractive without killing it. I mean unless it’s a dark, crude and ribald conversation and can sustain that candor kind of ‘great’, maybe they have pheromones…
Nothing to talk about

 

 When in a relationship, what importance do you place upon celebrating weekly or monthly anniversaries?

High.
Moderate.
Low.
None.
People really celebrate weekly anniversaries? That would be 39 weekly, 11 monthly celebrations and 1 yearly celebration in a year.

 

 If married, when would you expect your partner to wear a wedding ring?

Most or all of the time.
Some of the time. It’s situation dependent.
Seldom or not at all.
Only when they want to.

 

If asked, would you share the password to your email account with a significant other?

Yes
No

 

 What are you eating preferences?

Vegan – Nothing that even comes from an animal
Vegetarian – I’ll eat certain animal products.
Carnivore – Meat, Meat, Meat. That’s it.
Omnivore – Balanced meal.

 

How often do you tell your platonic friends that you love them?

Almost every time I see them.
Occasionally.
Never.

 

Would you date someone who is allergic to animal fur?

Yes
No
I’m Not Sure

 

How much would you enjoy hosting a big, crazy party?

A lot
Not that much
Not at all

 

On a typical night, what time do you go to sleep?

By 9pm
By 11pm
By 1am
Later

 

What size party would you prefer to attend?

Just a few close friends.
5-20 people.
20-100 people.
More than 100 people.

 

 Improvisational theatre:

I improvise!
I like to watch
I can take it or leave it
Please, no

 

Are you currently employed?

Yes, I have a fulltime job
No
I have a part-time job
I’m a student

 

How many books do you own?

Less than 5
5-25
25-50
I lived with two book hoarders in the past. I appreciate reading but with having more than 50 books, it is likely that more than 50 books are sitting untouched on a shelf, and collecting dust throughout the year.
50+

 

Which, on you, is closest to perfection?

Your mind
Your body
Your wallet
Your soul

 

How often do you brush your teeth?

Twice or more a day
Once a day
Only on days I feel like it
Rarely / never

 

Do you cry more than twice a year?

Yes
No

 

Are you physically strong?

Yes, very
Average
No, not really

 

 How important is it to you that your partner takes care of their body (ie: working out, maintaining a healthy and attractive physique)?

not important
somewhat important
very important
mandatory

 

Would you say your actions are guided more by your head or your heart?

Head
Heart
Genitalia

 

Would you date someone who’s smart but achieved nothing in life?

Yes
No

 

Do you enjoy Rap/Hip-Hop?

Yes
No
Some

 

If you were really, really drunk, which of the following would you be more likely to do?

Kiss someone.
Hit someone.
Complain to someone.
I’m not sure / I’ve never been really drunk.

 

How many live plants do you have in your home?

None.
One or two.
Succulent, succulent, herb
Three to nine.
Ten or more.

 

Have you ever been fired from a job?

Yes
No

 

Could you date a stripper?

Yes
No

 

 Imagine you hit it off online and arrange to meet someone several days in advance. At the last minute, they cancel, explaining that they are simply too tired. Would you consider rescheduling?

Yes, I’d try to arrange it.
Yes, but only if they asked me.
No.
That implies more about their personality than their personal interest (or disinterest).

 

 If you had to pick one of the following types for a significant other, which would it be?

Wholesome
A little on the slutty side
Crazy and colorful
Dark and mysterious

 

If a woman burps out loud, that is…

Cool
Uncool

 

 Do you like wild parties?

Yes
No

 

Would you prefer to find someone who will shake your life up or make it more peaceful?

Shake it up.
Make it more peaceful.

 

Are you a Submissive/Bottom or Dominant/Top?

Submissive/Bottom
Dominant/Top
Switch with a S/B preferance
Switch with a D/T preferance

 

Do you often make jokes that offend more uptight people?

Yes
No

 

 Would you consider having a serious relationship with an active porn star?

Yes
No

 

Do you only date people with athletic and toned bodies?

Yes
No

 

Do you think the International Space Station would be a romantic place to travel to with a partner to exchange vows?

Yes
No

 

Do you have all of your teeth?

Yes
No
Some are replacements, but they look real

 

What is your opinion of sarcasm?

I like it or love it
It’s okay
Sarcasm is formulaic and lazy

 

 Could you date someone who is/was any sort of sex worker?

Sure, I’d be okay with that.
No way!
Depends… what kind of sex worker?
The very notion of this question offends me.

 

Women-what is your dress size?/ Men- what is your shirt size? (ie. US sizes)

dress size “0-4” / shirt size “Smal
dress size “6-8” / shirt size “Medi
dress size “10-12” / shirt size “La
dress size “14+” / shirt size “2X-L

 

Which most closely describes how you organize your sock drawer?

I pair them before I put them away.
I pair them when I get dressed.
I have them paired and organized by color.
I take them out of the laundry when I dress.

 

Would you develop a new hobby/cultivate a new interest just to have something in common with your partner?

Sure, it’s good to do stuff together
No, we should maintain our own identities
Maybe, but only if it seemed cool

 

How tall are you?

shorter than 5’6 / 1.67m
5’6 / 1.67m – 5’9 / 1.75m
5’9 / 1.75m – 6′ / 1.83m
taller than 6′ / 1.83m

 

What are your feelings about Cilantro?

I like it
I can take it or leave it
I don’t like it

 

Preferred position: are you a top or a bottom?

Top
Bottom
Versatile
I’m not sure.

 

Top or bottom?

Top
Bottom.
It depends.

 

You’re riding along in a friend’s car when he or she throws some trash out the window. How might you react?

I’d express my clear disapproval.
I’d make a disapproving sound or joke.
I wouldn’t really care.
I’d throw my own trash out the window, too.

 

 How much time do you spend going to ballgames and following sports teams?

Every waking minute. Love me, love my teams.
Once or twice a week.
Once or twice a month.
I could give a royal flying fuck about sports.

 

Do you think it’s wrong to use someone’s wi-fi without permission?

Yes.
No.
It is only wrong if it requires hacking.

 

How much communication is ideal during sex?

A lot! It’s all about the talk.
Just enough to get things right.
None. Shut up so I can concentrate.

 

Could you do 25 pushups without stopping?

Yes
No

 

 You’re walking around in public and you see a very attractive member of your preferred sex. You walk a little faster to get a better look and you see them light and take an elegant puff of a cigarette. What is your reaction?

Intrigue/Interest/Positive feeling
Disgust/Disappointment/Negative feeling
Indifference

 

Underarms can be a hairy subject. How do you maintain your pits?

I let it grow, wild & free!
Occasionally I’ll trim.
I shave consistently.
Whatever I feel like at the time.

 

Do you have a fetish that you would like to employ in your next relationship?

Yes, and you can find out more on my profile
Yes, but I’m not saying it out in the open
Not really / Not sure
No

 

Would you allow your partner to decide what you wear to bed?

Yes, always.
Yes, sometimes.
No, never.

 

Is it possible for you to like someone whom you don’t respect?

Yes
No

 

Can you name any ballet other than the Nutcracker?

Yes
No

 

Do you eat dinner after 10pm?

Regularly.
Sometimes.
Rarely.
No.

 

If something you own breaks, which is closest to your first reaction?

Replace it.
Pay someone to fix it.
Figure out how to fix it myself.
Forget about it.

 

French new wave films?

Cool
Uncool
Huh?

 

Are “trendy” and “hip” insults to you?

Yes
No

 

Top or bottom?

Top
Bottom
Both

 

Are you a collector of things?

Yes, I have many collections.
Yes, I have some collections.
Yes, I have one collection.
No, I do not collect anything.

 

If a blind date used a coupon while paying for dinner, how would you feel?

Negative. That’s tacky/cheap.
Positive. Very sensible.
I don’t care either way.

 

Do you work at your job because you care, or because you want a check?

Care. The check is secondary.
Check. I don’t care about my job.
Both. Love the job, love paying the bills.
I don’t work.

 

Have you ever done something reckless that resulted in a major injury? (broken bones, etc.)

Yes
No

 

If someone intentionally damaged your property, would you be more likely to call the police, or to fight them?

Call the police
Fight them

 

Could you date someone with no long-term goals?

Yes
No

 

 Once you’re intimate, how often would you and your significant other have sex?

Every day
About every other day
Once or twice a week
A few times a month or less

 

 You’re up against a nearly impossible challenge. Your ideal partner…

pushes you hard to succeed
reminds you to be realistic
stands back, but comforts you if you fail

 

If you were involved in a serious relationship, at which of the following points would you begin looking for new potential partners?

When the relationship was not going well.
When I was certain the relationship was ending.
After the relationship was formally terminated.
All of the time.

 

In a serious relationship, do you feel it’s important to keep your significant other informed of the details of your day-to-day life?

Yes
No
Not every day

 

 You’re out on the street and you encounter some people speaking a foreign language. What’s your reaction?

You’re in our country; speak our language!
No big deal.
Cool, what language are they speaking?
(in their language) Hi, how are you?

 

I prefer to sleep…

Alone
With my partner, but apart (not touching)
Touching my partner
Embracing / cuddling my partner

 

How important is it for your partner to have many friends?

Very Important
Important
Somewhat Important
Not Important

 

Which word describes you better?

Private
Social

 

 How often do you wear cologne or perfume?

Every day
3 times a week
Once or twice a week
Never

 

 Which characteristic is most attractive in a date?

They’re sleek, sophisticated and well-styled
They’re provocative, daring and unexpected
They’re sexy in a way I can’t quite pin down

 

Would you date someone who was only interested in a committed, long-term relationship?

Yes
No
I’m Not Sure

 

Do you have time for a committed relationship in your life at this point?

Yes, absolutely
Probably not
No

 

Do you have a favorite scent?

Yes, and it doesn’t change.
Yes, but I change it every once in awhile.
No, but I’m searching for one.
No.

 

Is it possible for your partner to reveal too much information?

Yes, I prefer a little bit of mystery
Maybe, I want to know all the important stuff
No, I want to know everything

 

 Would you buy your partner perfume or cologne as a gift?

Yes, a scent I love.
Yes, a scent that they love.
No, I wouldn’t give it as a gift.

 

Which is scarier to reveal to a new partner?

Your emotions
Your body
Neither
Both equally

 

Who are you most likely to reveal a dark, provocative secret to?

My friends
My partner
A family member
No one… I keep my secrets to myself.

 

When you hear the name Dylan what is the first to come to mind?

Bob Dylan
Dylan Thomas
90210
Something or someone else / Nothing

 

 How messy are you?

I’m very messy
I’m average
I’m mostly organized
I’m compulsively neat

 

How often do you give Facebook updates?

All the time
Sometimes
Rarely
Never

 

How are your teeth?

Perfect
Okay
Kinda Scraggly
Fucked Up

 

Imagine being all alone in the great outdoors, miles from anyone, with no communication device. Nobody knows where you are.

This is something I would like.
This is something I would avoid.

 

Would you go on a first date to a nude beach?

Yes
No

 

Even if it isn’t your personal style, would you dress accordingly to a partner’s wishes, just to make them happy during an outing?

Yes, without question.
Yes, within reason.
No.

 

Do you have a living will?

Yes
No

 

How many times do you usually hit the snooze button on your alarm clock?

Zero. I get up immediately when the alarm sounds
One or two times
Three or more times
I do not usually use an alarm clock to wake up

 

Do you think you have what it takes to be a successful actor or actress?

Yes
No

 

How many romantic partners have you lived with?

0
1
2-3
4+

 

Toilet Seat, up or down?

Up.
Down.
Whatever my partner wishes.
Either is fine with me.

 

Do you believe that people should take a parental fitness test before being allowed to reproduce?

Yes
No
I’m Not Sure
Only Convicted Felons

 

Would it be a good idea to pass a law requiring people to take a course and pass a test before being allowed to have a child?

Yes
No

 

Your lover doesn’t like one of your friends! You have to choose!

Lose your friend
Lose your lover
I’m Not Sure

 

Have you ever seen ghosts, spirits, aliens, or witnessed some kind of paranormal activity?

Yes
No

 

Which of the following forms of poetry best resembles what you desire in a relationship?

A Sonnet – Controlled, deliberate, and surprising
A Haiku – Short, simple, and vivid
An Epic – Long, meandering, and powerful
Free Verse – Wild, shifting, and confusing

 

Have your sexual interests become kinkier as you’ve grown older?

Yes.
No, they haven’t changed much.
No, just the opposite.
No, I have no sexual interests.

 

Should your mate also become your best friend?

Yes
No

 

Did you have a dysfunctional upbringing?

Yes, very much so.
Being locked in a basement, albeit a large basement as a kid would make anyone a little wacky.
Yes, to some extent.
No, not at all.

 

Suppose a close friend’s partner is very attractive and thinks you’re attractive, too. If you could enjoy a few hours of sex with them and your friend would never find out about it, would you do it?

Yes.
No.
Maybe.

 

Have you ever “regifted” a gift you didn’t like?

Yes
No

 

Pick the best date on this list:

A really nice restaurant
A really divey bar
A day at the beach

 

Does your ideal schedule involve staying up very late at night and sleeping during the day?

Yes
No

 

Would you consider dating someone who is much kinkier than you are?

Yes
No

 

Are you a ‘double dipper’? In other words, do you ever take a bite of food and then dip it back into a shared sauce or dip?

Yes, I double dip indiscriminately.
Yes, but only with family or close friends.
Yes, but only with a partner.
No, never.

 

Would you consider attending a clothing-optional costume party where the dress code permits guests to wear nothing more than body paint?

Yes, and I’d be wearing little more than paint.
Yes, but I’d wear a more traditional costume.
No.

 

Which horror movie would you be most likely to survive?

Nightmare on Elm Street (I can go without sleep)
Hellraiser (I don’t care how cool that box is)
Blair Witch Project (I’d set that forest on fire!)
This is a stupid question

 

 How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?

I’m ready when I wake up
Less than 1 hour
1 – 2 hours
2 hours or more

 

Which one would hurt you more?

A lover cheating on you
A thief stealing from you
A friend ruining your good name
None of these would affect me

 

Do you wash your sheets regularly?

Yes
No
I don’t even use sheets

 

Do you consider yourself financially responsible?

Yes, completely.
Yes, mostly.
I’m working on it!
No.

 

Do you work out a lot?

Yes
No

 

You’ve been on a couple of dates with someone, but you’re not too into them. However, they like you, and keep calling/texting. What do you do?

Talk, explain your (lack of) feelings.
Tell them you’ll call later but then don’t.
Don’t answer/ignore them.

 

In a relationship communication is key…

True; but I don’t call everyday
True; our lives should be shared
False; We all need space
False; Distance makes the heart grow fonder

 

Do you lift weights?

Yes
No

 

Could you date someone who wasn’t sure what they wanted to do with their life?

Yes
No

 

Are you smarter than absolutely everyone you’ve ever dated?

Yes
No

 

Would you consider dating someone who uses profanity more than not in everyday speech?

Yes
No

 

 What are your opinions on tattoos?

Fine with heavily/moderately covered skin
Just a few are alright
Not ideal but okay
None at all

 

Would you rather be omnipotent (all-powerful) or omniscient (all-knowing)?

Omniscient; give me knowledge.
Omnipotent; give me power.

 

Do you find British comedies entertaining?

They’re all I watch.
I like them quite a bit!
Kind of, but I’d rather watch something else.
Not at all.

 

Imagine you’re on a date with someone you really like and you decide to go to their place for the first time. Their place turns out to be a pigsty. Your reaction?

Goodnight and goodbye.
Grin and bear it.
Dive in and start scrubbing.
I’d feel right at home.

 

 Would you engage in a threesome?

Yes
No
Only with the opposite sex
Only with the same sex

 

How often do you hang out at coffee shops / cafes?

Two or more times a week.
From once a month to once a week.
Less than once a month.
Never.

 

In a man is size important? or being able to have average size and being able to use it. or it does not matter at all either way?

size
moving it to the waves
both
does not matter at all

 

Does the idea of being attractive enough to manipulate people appeal to you?

Yes
No

 

Do you look better dressed or naked?

Dressed
Naked

 

Would you like to live in a small community where everyone lives and works together, and where all property and possessions are owned collectively?

Yes.
No.
Perhaps, depending upon the specifics.
I already do!

 

Would you rather date someone very fit/trim, but obsessed with body image and who can’t stop talking about working out; or someone more laid back about body image, but a little more pudgy/unfit?

fit and obsessed
unfit and relaxed

 

 Would you ever eat something out of the trash?

Yes
Maybe (if it’s still good)
No

 

What would be more likely to bother you in a relationship?

Not enough space
Not enough affection

 

If you could have brilliant skill at something, would you prefer:

Something practical
Something fun

 

 Does the idea of flipping a coin to make important life decisions appeal to you?

Yes
No

 

You’ve been dating someone for a few months, and things are going well. Really well. One day they ask you to get matching tattoos. How do you respond?

Agree. Why not?
Agree to get tattoos together, but not matching
Decline, but suggest something else to do together
Decline, and reconsider the relationship

 

Do you enjoy meaningless sex?

Yes
No

 

Imagine that your partner does not enjoy performing oral sex and refuses to ever perform it on you. How disappointed would you be?

Extremely disappointed.
Somewhat disappointed.
Slightly disappointed.
Not at all disappointed.

 

How do you eat your cupcake?

Always start with frosting
Always starts with the cake
I don’t have a consistent way of eating a cupcake

 

Can you cook?

Yes, I’m a culinary genius.
Yes, with a cook book.
No, but I try.
No, there’s always fast food.

 

“It’s not that I’m lazy; it’s that I just don’t care.” Does this statement apply to you?

Yes
In groups, think of Daria playing volleyball.
No

 

Is it easier to love or to hate?

Love
Hate

 

What do you find most appealing in a television series, movie, or book?

Compelling action, drama, or total immersion.
Having empathy for the characters.
Underlying message or commentary.
Creativity by the actors or film makers.

 

Have you ever cheated on an exam?

Yes
No

 

Would you ever date or mess around with a good friend’s ex?

Yes, why not?
No
Yes, but only with my friend’s permission

 

 On a scale from 1-4, how would your partner having tattoos affect you?(we’re talking 3 or more, not just 1 or 2)

1: They’re HOT and/or I have a few myself!
2: Not for me, but they are just fine on others
3: Not preferred, but as long as he/she is happy
4: I dislike tattoos; 1 is fine but more is gross

 

 Have you used psychedelic drugs (LSD, mescaline, peyote, etc.) or would you like to?

Yes, I have used psychedelic drugs
No, I have not used them and I would not try them
No, I have not used them but I would try them

 

How important is it to you to have your own unique thing (like a weekly girls’ night or guys’ night) that you don’t share with your partner?

Very – I need some me time to be happy
Sort of – I need friends outside of my partner
Not much – I like sharing stuff with my partner
I’d prefer not to have exclusive things

 

Do you own or ride a motorcycle?

Yes
No

 

In an ideal world, who would get the highest priority in your life?

My parents.
My children.
My significant other.
Myself.

 

Are you a fan of the works of Ayn Rand?

Yes, for her philosophy.
Yes, for their literary value.
No.
Who?

 

Do trees have souls?

Yes
No

 

Do you think boys should be circumcised?

Yes.
No.
I’m not sure.

 

Would you date someone shorter than you?

Yes
No

 

Do you think you have ESP at all?

Yes
No

 

Which sounds like a more appealing way to spend a year?

Travelling the world, working along the way.
Living in one city with all expenses paid.

 

 How much do you spend per year for shoes?

Less than $100
$101 – $500
$501 – $1000
More than a $1000

 

Where do you primarily get the books you read?

Library.
Bookstore / Online.
Friends.
I don’t read books.

 

Is it okay for someone to try and influence their romantic partner’s appearance or clothing?

Couples should try to look good for each other
As long as it’s not extreme and they ask nicely
They shouldn’t try to change their partner
Demands create weird power struggles

 

How would you feel about a partner self-stimulating while you are performing oral sex?

Insulted.
Excited.
Indifferent.
I’m not sure.

 

After dating someone for a while, you finally get to see where they live. They leave you alone to go take a quick shower. Would you snoop?

Yes
No

 

On a daily basis, do you spend a lot of time trying to make yourself look good?

Yes
No

 

How often do you send greeting cards for holidays and birthdays?

Always
Sometimes
Never

 

Have you ever been to prison?

Yes
No
Just to visit / I was working

 

Cell phones: good or evil?

Good
Evil

 

Would you date someone who states up front that they will never be willing to go dancing?

Yes
No

 

Imagine you’re at an art gallery and you see a canvas painted solid red. It is selling for more money than you make in a year. Which of the following would be closest to your reaction?

I’d like to know more about its meaning.
The price is outrageous.
I could have painted that myself.
It’s really pleasing to look at.

 

 How much do you go “clubbing” (out dancing in bars)?

Lots
Sometimes
Rarely
Never

 

Would you—for any reason—read your mate’s email or pose as them online, without their knowledge and permission?

Yes, they shouldn’t be keeping secrets anyway.
Yes, I’d be too curious not to.
Only if I suspected them of something.
No, I’d trust them and that would be invasive.

 

How long do your romantic relationships usually last?

0-6 months
6-12 months
12+ months
I’ve never been in a relationship

 

How would you react if someone IM’d you and quickly started talking about sex?

Positively.
Negatively.
Indifferently.

 

Do you feel like you’re still hurting from something that happened to you a long time ago?

Yes
No

 

Approximately how many hours per week do you dedicate to spiritual activity?

Zero.
One hour or less.
One to four hours.
More than four hours.

 

For which emotion is self-restraint the most crucial?

Anger
Fear
Lust
Jealousy

 

Which is a bigger deal for you?

Telling someone you really care
Oral sex

 

Wearing socks with sandals is:

Perfectly fine.
Utterly wrong.
Okay sometimes.
Not a subject I have an opinion on.

 

Is your second toe longer than your big toe?

Yes
No

 

 On a scale of 1 to 8, with 1 being exclusively straight and 8 exclusively gay, where do you fall?

1-2
3-4
5-6
7-8

 

Which of the following could you most easily live without for an entire month?

Toothbrush and toothpaste.
Phone.
Internet.
Porn.

 

 Is Jesus Christ your personal savior?

Yes
No
If I ever get personally saved from a mythological god(dess), I would prefer it to be from cthulhu, eros or a sex god.

 

 Someone in an open relationship asks you out on a date. You:

Refuse / Aren’t interested in open relationships
Are hesitant, but would consider it
Accept / Are open to non-monogamous relationships

 

 Have you ever dated a man?

Yes
No

 

Do you have (or are you getting) a degree from one of the 8 ivy league universities, MIT, Stanford, Duke, U Chicago, or Caltech?

Yes
No
My degree is not from the U.S.

 

Do you find science to be interesting?

Yes – Hard Science (Biology, Chemistry, Physics).
Yes – Social Science (Psychology, Sociology).
Yes – Both are interesting.
No – None are interesting.

 

Who will be responsible for cooking the meals and cleaning the house? Assume you both work.

Me
My partner
We will split or take turns
Not my concern / Don’t care / Other

 

How often do you read before going to sleep?

Always.
Frequently.
Rarely.
Never.

 

How often do you do things out of spite?

Very often.
Sometimes.
Rarely.
Never.

 

Would you ever take your family to a nude beach?

Yes
No

 

Not ideally, but realistically, do you flock to the “bad” boys/girls?

Yes
No

 

Does the idea of living underwater fascinate you?

Yes
No

 

Generally speaking, are you a worrier?

Yes
No

 

Do you usually blurt things out, or do you think carefully before speaking?

Blurt it out
Think carefully

 

Would you allow a pet to sleep on your bed?

Yes.
No.
Maybe.

 

How often do you meditate?

Frequently.
Rarely.
Never.

 

Would you rather be the performer, in the audience, or behind the scenes?

Performer
Audience
Behind the scenes

 

How many concerts do you attend a year?

8+
4-7
1-3
0, typically

 

 When it comes to right and wrong, which of the following do you think has the greatest impact on your belief system?

Religion.
Family and/or friends.
Laws.
Foucault would suggest that we’re all conditioned by the laws that govern us.
Self interest.

 

Would you date someone who has genital herpes?

Yes
No

 

Do you have a desire (even if it’s secret) to take part in sexual activities involving bondage?

Yes
No
Absolutely not.

 

Other things being equal, would you be more attracted to an artist or a scientist?

Artist
Scientist

 

Is it more important to you that you are tactful, or truthful?

Tactful
Truthful

 

How do you feel about putting children on leashes?

I do not approve of this.
I approve of this.
I might approve under special circumtances.
I could not care less.

 

 If I saw someone do something that deeply offended me or was illegal, I would:

Confront the person.
Do nothing, move on.
Alert someone with more power.
Blackmail the offender.

 

Do you think drug use with your partner can be a romantic activity?

Yes
No

 

Is global warming a serious problem?

Yes
Al Gore will kick you in the balls (or lady balls) if you say otherwise.
No
I don’t know

 

Is satanism acceptable?

Yes
I don’t know enough about this but it seems like it’s centered on religious trash, still embracing the pursuit of idols, the religion it’s condemning.
Sure, but it’s not for me
No, it is wrong.
I don’t know/care.

 

 How do you like your coffee?

black
with cream or sugar
I prefer tea
no caffaine for me

 

Does it bother you when people are late?

Yes, always.
No, never.
Sometimes, it depends upon the circumstances.

 

Under the right circumstances, would you allow a partner to lick your anus?

Yes
No

 

Orgasms are clearly the most important part of sex.

I agree.
“I made it through the wilderness.” – Madonna
I disagree.

 

 Do you find body hair attractive?

Yes
No
Depends on where the hair is

 

If you had children, would you be willing to support a significant other who stays home to raise them?

Yes.
No.
Maybe, depending upon the circumstances.

 

 Ladies, when is a penis too big? Guys, how big is yours?

Less than 6″
6-7″
8-9″
10-12″

 

Would you like to go on a five night spiritual retreat?

Yes
No

 

Compassion is:

A sign of strength
A sign of weakness
Neither

 

Are you a Muslim?

Yes
No

 

Would dealing face to face with someone with an impediment (nervous facial tic, bad stutter) make you uncomfortable or frustrated?

Yes
No

 

Do you value humility?

Yes
No

 

Do you believe that courteous behavior, such as saying “thank you” or holding a door, is important even when the other person involved does not deserve it?

Yes
No

 

Imagine your otherwise perfect match has one habit that you find to be very unattractive, but it seems that they are trying to keep it private. Do you ask them to stop?

Yes.
No.
It depends on the specifics.

 

Do you think bodily fluids are inherently gross?

Yes
No

 

If you were with a person who doesn’t like to cook, would you take over this responsibility?

Yes.
No.
Only some of the time.

 

Are you annoyed by people who are super logical?

Yes
No

 

Suppose you’re driving, and you hit an animal. You don’t know how badly it’s hurt. Do you:

stop and look
keep going

 

 Do you prefer to eat organic food?

Yes, as much as possible
I would, but it’s too expensive
Sometimes, if it’s easy to get
No / Don’t Care

 

Do you consider a person’s social class when you interact with them?

Yes.
No.
I’m not sure.

 

Do you and your ideal significant other enjoy making sarcastic jokes at each other’s expense, knowing that it’s all in good fun?

Yes! That’s a personality trait we have to share
Sometimes, but not too much
No, sarcasm doesn’t belong in a love relationship
I can’t dish it out, but I’d take it, I guess

 

Do you think it’s appropriate to “keep score” in a relationship, to ensure that favors and gifts are at least somewhat balanced?

Yes
No

 

Do you think the government has the right to regulate the ownership and use of weapons?

Yes
Only in extreme cases
No
I’m not sure

 

Watching cartoons as an adult is…?

Pathetic
Cool
I don’t care either way / Not sure

 

What’s a worse trait to have?

Greed
Laziness

 

If political candidates supported marijuana legalization, how would that affect your disposition toward voting for them?

I would be more likely to vote for them.
I would be less likely to vote for them.
This would not influence my vote.

 

Can two people fall in love without ever meeting in person?

Yes
No

 

Which of the following broad gender descriptions are you most attracted to?

Femininity.
Masculinity.
Androgyny.
No preference.

 

If you had to choose one, which type of cheating bothers you the most?

Cheating on a partner.
Cheating on a test.
Cheating on taxes.
Cheating does not bother me.

 

What is the first definition for the word “composition” that comes to mind?

The makeup of a mixture of ingredients
A piece of music
A piece of writing
An arrangement of visual elements

 

Would it ever be okay to break up with someone by email or text?

Yes
No

 

How often do you use social media?

I’m a very active user.
I’m a somewhat active user.
I rarely use it.
I never use it.

 

Assuming a given situation is truly hopeless, is it better to accept hopelessness or maintain hope?

Accept hopelessness.
Maintain hope.

 

If your own toothbrush was not available, would you feel comfortable using a partner’s toothbrush?

Yes.
No.
It depends on which partner.

 

Imagine your partner practices a religion you don’t understand. Do you take the time to learn about it?

Yes
No

 

If you meet someone and they are everything you are looking for, except their body type, do you give them a chance?

Yes
No

 

Would you enjoy going to an all night dance party?

Yes
No

 

Is the idea of being kissed in the rain a turn-on or turn-off?

On.
Off.

 

Do you believe in some kind of a spiritual, cosmic force outside the realm of most modern religion?

Yes
No

 

You and your partner are sharing your favorite dessert. Who gets the last bite?

I do.
They do.
Who cares?

 

Were you picked on a lot in school?

Yes
No

 

 If I saw someone checking out my significant other, I’d feel:

flattered / proud
protective / concerned
unchanged

 

Do you often find yourself wondering What the hell was I thinking?

Yes, all the time.
Yes, sometimes.
No, never.

 

 How do you feel about documentaries?

Yay!
Okay
NO.

 

Do you like watching foreign movies with subtitles?

Yes
No
Can’t answer without a subtitle

 

Which is worse?

Someone who is always happy
Someone who is always sad

 

Is jealousy healthy in a relationship?

Yes
No

 

 If you saw a man knitting in public what would you think?

He’s gay.
He’s hot.
He’s just secure in his masculinity.
He’s weird.

 

Do you practice Hinduism?

Yes
No

 

What is your favorite transportation medium?

Land (trains, buses, cars, bikes, feet, etc.)
Sea (ships, boats, submarines, etc.)
Air (airplanes, rockets, dirigibles, etc.)
Other.

 

What kind of party would you rather throw?

Cocktail
Kegger
Dry
Orgy

 

Can you change a tire on your own?

Yes
No

 

How do you feel about kids?

Kids are precious—they love me and I love them
They’re okay, but keep the unruly ones at bay
How revolting
I’m indifferent

 

 In terms of relationships, which of these is it the most important to find?

Someone for whom you would do anything.
Someone who turns you on.
Someone you feel like you’ve known forever.
Someone with goals similar to yours.

 

Would you consider living with a partner who does not want any pets?

Yes
No

 

Would you date someone who was looking for true love – but no sex, at all, ever?

Yes
No

 

Which would you rather choose: peace on Earth or loads of money?

Peace on Earth
Loads of money

 

Is it okay for you to be irrational in making important life decisions?

Yes
No

 

Do you have a hard time feeling happy when people around you are sad or upset?

Yes
Sometimes
No
I can do the rain dance during someone’s rainy day.

 

Are you fetish-friendly?

Bring out the toys!
Never tried it, but I’m open-minded.
Not sure/don’t know what they really are.
Ew!

 

How frequently do you bathe or shower?

At least once a day.
Usually daily. I skip some.
A couple times a week.
Once a week or less.

 

Are you either vegetarian or vegan?

Yes
No

 

Does your partner have to be an active reader?

Yes
No

 

 Group sex (with 3 or more people)?:

I have tried it.
It seriously interests me.
I have little or no interest.

 

Do you think that smarter people are usually capable of deeper love?

Yes
No

 

Do you typically send thank you cards to people, when they do you favors?

Yes
No

 

 How often should your significant other buy you gifts, jewelry, or other things more expensive than, say, dinner, cards, or flowers?

Very frequently.
From time to time.
On special occasions (birthdays, Christmas, etc)
Never.
Just be mindful that consumerism has been unnecessarily driven to be at the center of any holiday, anniversary, or romantic courtship. An action or something baked or hand-made is more appreciated than gold shoes.

 

Would you prefer to be a financial success or to remain true to your principles?

Financial success, please.
I’ll stick with my principles, thanks.

 

Do you believe that regular sex is necessary in maintaining a healthy relationship?

Yes
No

 

Do you think physical love is necessary for happiness in life?

Yes
No

 

Do you enjoy outdoor activities such as camping, hiking or fishing?

Yes
No

 

 Which is closest to your reaction to foul language?

It doesn’t bother me at all.
It’s ok as long as it isn’t every other word.
Especially when I’m in Britain: Bloody fucking hell blah blah blah blah.
It bothers me a little.
It bothers me a lot.

 

Not including Halloween, do you enjoy dressing up in costumes?

Yes – Every chance I get.
Yes – On occasion.
I think that I might, but I do not.
No.

 

Could you date someone who already has children from a previous relationship?

Yes
No

 

Which of the following learning approaches would you prefer?

Doing and figuring it out myself.
Watching someone else do it.
Listening to someone explain how it’s done.
Reading about how it should be done.

 

 Imagine that you have to move somewhere far away. You’ll need to pack all of your stuff and take it with you. All your things could fit nicely inside…

a couple of suitcases.
a car.
a big moving truck.
the Black Sea.

 

A date invites you to their home for the first time. You find their decor to be extremely tacky. How much would this bother you?

A lot.
A little.
Not at all.

 

Before people find out your real age, what do they usually assume? 20

That I’m younger than I really am.
That I’m older than I really am.
They are usually very close.
I haven’t noticed a pattern.

 

Have you ever ridden a horse?

Yes, and I enjoyed it.
Yes, but I did not like it.
No, but I would like to some day.
No, and I do not want to.

 

If you were to die, would whoever goes through your personal belongings be shocked by what they find?

Yes.
No.
I don’t think porn or abstract poetry is very shocking.
Maybe a little bit.

 

Have instant ramen noodles ever been your nutritional mainstay for more than 2 weeks?

Yes
No

 

If everyone on Earth stopped drinking alcohol, would this make the world a better place?

Yes.
No.
I’m not sure.

 

Overhearing a sexual encounter would make you feel…

Aroused
Annoyed
Lonely
Indifferent

 

Would you like to receive pain during sex?

Yes, lots and lots
Yes, some
No

 

Would you date a single parent?

Yes
No

 

Do you enjoy it when someone uses refrigerated items or ice cubes on you during sex?

Yes.
No.
I don’t know.

 

The fastest way to piss me off is to…

disagree with a strong opinion of mine
ignore me
interrupt me
indicate you dislike my friends

 

What is more important to humanity:

Establishing a Mars Colony
Uniting all governments into one
Curing most known diseases
Eliminating poverty

 

Which cause is most important to you?

The environment
World peace
The economy
Eradicating all diseases from the Earth

 

When are you most creative?

In the morning
In the afternoon.
In the evening.
In the middle of the night.

 

Does it bother you when someone regularly speaks in a loud voice?

Yes
No

 

Should cigarettes be illegal?

Yes
No

 

Do you space out or daydream a lot?

All the time
Rarely / never
Sometimes

 

Which is the smallest amount of money you would stop to pick up if you saw it laying in the street?

Penny
Nickel
Dime
A quarter or more.

 

Could you date someone who doesn’t speak your language very well?

Yes
No

 

What makes a better friend?

Quick wit and a mischievous smile
Compassionate nature and a shoulder to support you

 

Do you make an effort to appear intimidating to others?

Yes, always.
No, never.
Sometimes.

 

Have you ever brought a stray animal home?

Yes
No

 

Do you think head games are unavoidable, even in the healthiest of relationships?

Yes
No

 

 Do you like to go to museums?

Yes, a lot
Yes, a little
No

 

Do you believe in karma?

Yes
No

 

Which is more important for a good match?

Having similar political beliefs
Having good sex

 

Would you prefer someone extremely mellow or extremely hyper?

Hyper
Mellow

 

I would rather be….

Unemployed, broke, but busy doing things I love
Working 60 hours a week at a job I like
Working regular hours at a job I hate

 

Would you and your ideal match eventually feel comfortable farting around each other?

Yes
No

 

Have you ever randomly followed a stranger because you found them attractive?

Yes
No

 

If you took nude photos of your lover, would you give them the prints and negatives (or destroy them) if you broke up?

Yes
No
I’m Not Sure

 

Would you rather know everything about your mate, or be regularly surprised?

Surprised
All-knowing

 

 If you had to name your greatest motivation in life thus far, what would it be?

Love
Wealth
Expression
Knowledge

 

When you are at the movies with your date or your friends, how much talking does it take to make you upset?

No talking allowed upon the start of the film
Talking during and usually about the trailers
Little comments during the movie.
Constant chatter, to you, others, or a cell phone

 

Do you consider yourself an artist of any kind? (Music, painting, poetry, etc. all count.)

Yes
No

 

Do you typically feel better or worse after a social gathering?

Better.
Worse.
No different.
It depends.

 

Manners are:

Important
Not very important
I fart on this question

 

Who do you think was smartest on this list?

Einstein
Shakespeare
Mozart
Jesus

 

Which makes for a better relationship?

Passion
Dedication

 

How would learning that a potential match has served in the military affect your interest in him or her?

I’d be more interested.
I’d be less interested.
It wouldn’t matter at all.

 

How important are your political beliefs to you?

Very important
Somewhat important
A little important
Not at all important

 

 How into gay politics are you?

Very
Somewhat
Not at all

 

 Are you attracted to dangerous situations?

Yes
No

 

Do you think you can tell how good someone is at sex by how they move on the dance floor?

Yes
No

 

Imagine your view on a controversial topic is very strong. You suspect it to be in direct opposition to that of your date’s parents, who you are just getting to know. Would you argue the issues with them?

Yes, at my first opportunity.
Yes, but only if they brought the topic up.
Yes, but only if my opinion was asked.
No, I would avoid the topic altogether.

 

Is it possible to agree to disagree on religious practices in a relationship?

Yes
No
I’m Not Sure

 

 If you were going to have a child, would you want the other parent to be of the same ethnicity as you?

Yes.
No.
This would not be an important factor to me.

 

Do you enjoy being naked?

Yes
No

 

Are you still in love with one or more of your former partners?

Yes – One of them.
Yes – More than one.
No.
No – I’ve never been in love with a partner.

 

You go on a date with someone, and during the date you say you would like to go out again. The next day you change your mind. How do you let them know?

Call them and tell them you’ve changed your mind
Wait for them to call you, and then tell them
Ignore all of their calls/e-mails/faxes to you
Keep seeing them, but half-heartedly

 

Should people be allowed to use otherwise illegal drugs where doing so is consistent with their spiritual and/or religious beliefs?

Yes
No

 

 If you could take only one of the following on a road trip, which would it be?

A map.
A camera.
A companion.
A journal to write in.

 

Imagine you’re having the perfect conversation with your ideal partner. What are you doing?

Telling stories
Debating
Agreeing
Making plans

 

 Would you be willing to adopt a child?

Yes
No
I only want adopted children.
I don’t want children.

 

Generally, in life, what makes you happier?

Quality
Variety

 

Of the following, which do you find more fascinating?

The planets, stars, galaxies, etc.
High tech advancements.
Ancient civilizations.
The natural world, nature, wildlife.

 

Who would you prefer as a partner?

Someone just like me.
Someone who is very different from me.
Someone who complements me.

 

 How’s your English vocabulary?

OK: bar, beer, party, & various cuss words
High-brow: harlot, pertinent, polyglot, imbibe
Copious: pulchritude, corvine, laconic, inveigh
Choate: flavid, callipygian, tonitruous, fremitus

 

Can anything be made the subject of a joke?

Yes, anything can be funny in the right light.
No, some subjects should not be joked about.

 

 How important is religion/God in your life?

Extremely important
Somewhat important
Not very important
Not important at all

 

Should pharmacies be allowed to sell preparations that you can take to commit painless and effective suicide?

Yes, without restrictions.
Yes, but only if certain criteria are met.
No, of course not.
I’m not sure.

 

Do spelling mistakes annoy you?

Yes
No

 

 Have you smoked a cigarette in the last 6 months?

Yes
No

 

How often do you wash your bath towel(s)?

After every use
Every couple uses
Occasionally / When it starts smelling
Rarely

 

Would you rather date someone extremely hot or extremely honest?

Extremely hot
Extremely honest

 

What do you usually wear when you sleep?

Pajamas.
Underwear.
Nothing.
Something else.

 

If a method were available that would cause the extinction of all mosquitoes on Earth, should it be used?

Yes
No

 

Which do you prefer in a significant other, generally speaking?

Dominance/Aggression
Submission/Shyness
A little of both, depending on the situation

 

Are you a Buddhist?

Yes
No

 

How many people would describe you as one of their ‘best’ friends, and really mean it?

0-1
2-4
5-7
8+

 

 Immediately after having sex with a partner, which of the following sounds most appealing?

Cuddling with them.
Doing my own thing.
Sleeping.
Masturbating or having sex again.

 

A difficult, somewhat trying relationship where your opinions on many subjects are more often than not divergent, versus an easy relationship where you agree on nearly everything all the time.

Hard – life is defined by difficulty
Easy – why argue with the one you love?
I’m Not Sure
Life isn’t that black and white, bub!

 

How do you think your sex drive compares to what is typical for other people of your age and gender?

My sex drive is higher than average.
My sex drive is about average.
I consider an average sex drive to be one’s need for a release (whether through sex or masturbation) once every 18-30 hours, or about once a day. A ‘need’ for a release denotes chronic horniness until orgasm.
My sex drive is below average.
I’m insatiable.

 

Are you annoyed by tardiness?

Yes
No
I’m the one who’s always running late.

 

 Would you consider dating someone who does not know how to drive a car?

Yes
…and people who know how to drive but choose not to.
No

 

Do you consider yourself to be a picky eater?

Yes
No

 

Would you date someone who was already in a committed relationship with someone else?

Yes, even in secret.
Yes, but only if everybody knew.
No, but I don’t think it’s inherently wrong.
No, it’s wrong.

 

Do you know what a ‘safeword’ is, in a sexual context?

Yes
No

 

Imagine a child is in hospital and needs life-saving treatment, but the child’s parents withold permission for the treatment for reasons based on their faith. Which do you think is better?

The parents wishes must be respected.
The state should intervene to save the child.

 

Have you ever camped out overnight more than a mile from civilization?

Yes, and I loved it
Yes, and I hated it.
I’ve never tried it, but I’d like to.
No camping, ever! I prefer civilization, thanks.

 

Are you generally able to forgive and forget?

Yes.
No.
It really depends on the circumstances.
I can forgive, but I never forget.

 

Is being “in-style” with regards to fashion important to you?

Yes, Extremely
Yeah, sometimes
Not really
No Way!

 

Do you think most people would prefer to be a lot more like you?

Yes
No

 

Would you consider dating someone who is already involved in an open or polyamorous relationship?

Yes
No
Not date.

 

Have you been faithful in all of your past relationships?

Yes.
No.
I haven’t had a past relationship.

 

 Do you like to leave music on while you sleep?

Yes. I can’t sleep without it.
Yes, but I don’t need it to fall asleep.
No, but I can deal with it if my partner does.
No. I can’t sleep with music on.

 

Would you want a partner to spend some time and effort toward improving their appearance?

Yes
No

 

BDSM: Without looking it up, do you know exactly what it stands for?

Yes
No

 

Two people both like you. One is more fun, the other is more stable.

I’d play my nights and days away – FUN!
I’m looking for something a serious – STABLE

 

Would you consider dating someone who is completely nocturnal?

Yes
No

 

 Should evolution and creationism be taught side-by-side in school?

Yes, students should hear both sides
No, creationism has no place in schools
Maybe creationism has its use as a topic for a comparative essay assignment on greek mythology in a high school lit class.
No, evolution has no place in schools

 

Could you fall in love with someone that you had no initial physical interest in, if you got to know them and they had an amazing personality?

Yes
No
I’m Not Sure

 

 Could you have respect for someone after having sex with them on the first meeting/date?

Yes.
No.
Maybe, depending upon the circumstances.

 

 What type of email or IM approach is most likely to make you respond?

Yo BaBy u bE hOt!
It looks like we have a lot of common interests.
Can we meet up tonight for sex?
I’m bored, what are you up to?

 

Is love overrated?

Yes, absolutely.
Yes, a bit.
No, it’s fine.
No, it’s underrated.

 

Would it be easier for you to make a list of things you want in a relationship or a list of things you want to avoid in a relationship?

Things I want.
Things I want to avoid.

 

How important is it for you to make physical contact when showing affection for someone?

Very important.
Somewhat important.
Not important.

 

 Which of the following would you most expect to determine from a first date?

Sexual compatibility.
Emotional compatibility.
Spiritual compatibility.
Financial compatibility.

 

 Is smoking disgusting?

Yes
Smoking is for melancholic people who smell bad.
No

 

When in social situations with a significant other, would you feel it is necessary to somehow signal to others that you are a couple?

Yes
No

 

Does the idea of actively participating in the reenactment of historical events interest you?

Yes.
No.
I’m not sure.

 

 Which is your preferred method of learning?

Traditional classroom
Computer-based instruction
Self study / reading
Other

 

 Have you ever yelled at the TV while watching sports?

Yes
No

 

Have you ever been cruel to another person?

Yes
No

 

Did you ever take a class in school just because you heard the person you liked was taking it?

Yes
No

 

Once you realize that something will be almost impossible to attain, does it become MORE or LESS attractive to you?

More
Less
More, at first.
No effect / I’m not sure

 

Are you smarter than all your friends?

Yes
No

 

Could you date someone who has radically different musical preferences than you?

Yes, variety is the spice of life
No, I don’t want to hear it
I’m not sure, depends on the music
I’d insist they like my music

 

If your partner made a lot of noise while enjoying sex, would this be a turn-on or turn-off for you?

Turn on.
Turn off.
Either, depending upon how they sound.
It would make no difference.

 

Personally, is sex in a public place hotter than indoor sex?

Yes
No
I’m not sure / Wouldn’t know

 

Have you ever had a true one-night stand? (You met someone, had sex that night, and never contacted each other again.)

Yes
No

 

How big is your porn collection?

Small
Medium
LARGE
I don’t have one

 

Is there such a thing as having had too many sex partners?

Yes
No

 

Which aspect of the salmon life cycle best corresponds with your current state in life?I’m a(n)…

fry; eating in the stream where I was born.
smolt; moving on to life in the big ocean.
adult; fully developed, living in salt water.
spawner; with young, dead.

 

Would you consider dating a divorced person?

Yes, definitely
I’d prefer not
Definitely no

 

Can you name your two closest neighbours?

Yes
No

 

Would you like to date someone a lot purer than you?

Yes
No

 

Lolita?

Brilliant
Overrated
Don’t know

 

You send a message or a picture to somebody on line and they reply: “thnx” What do you think this response actually means?

A genuine thank you.
The minimum possible acknowledgment.
A curt dismissal.
Both minimum acknowledgment & curt dismissal

 

 Do you prefer to date a non-believer?

yes
no
Not sure

 

If you could have one of the following psychic powers, which would you choose:

Telepathy (thought-reading).
Telekinesis (move objects without touching them).
Precognition (predict the future).
Mind Control (control other people’s minds).

 

Which would you rather master?

art
science

 

How does owning pets compare to raising children?

Pets and kids are one in the same.
Different species but universal techniques.
They’re similar. Pets can prepare you for kids.
The two are nothing alike.

 

Would you be willing to dress up as a member of the opposite sex if it would turn your partner on?

If it excites them, I’d even do it in public.
Yes, but only in private.
No.
I do it already!

 

How often do you do laundry?

Once a week
Every 2-3 weeks
I wait until I’m out of clean underwear!

 

You are more romantic than most people you know.

True
False

 

How do you feel about age differences in relationships?

I prefer someone close to my own age
I prefer someone older
I prefer someone younger
Doesn’t matter to me

 

Are you naturally a lot better at games than most people?

Yes
No

 

Do you usually carry a concealed weapon other than a gun?

Yes
No

 

Would it bother you if a partner insisted you were perfect and refused to acknowledge your shortcomings?

Yes
No

 

Would you date someone who wore a hearing aid?

Yes
No
Perhaps if it were small and difficult to notice.

 

Do you pee in the shower?

Yes
No

 

Of the following, which do you spend the most time doing while taking a bath or shower?

Washing and/or conditioning.
Shaving.
Relaxing.
Masturbating.

 

 How does having sex with someone usually affect your emotional attachment to them?

I become more attached.
I become less attached.
I told you. I’m a virgin.
It stays about the same.

 

The best days of my life are:

In my future.
In my past.
Right now.

 

Do you stop to enjoy simple things in nature?

Often.
Sometimes.
Rarely.
Never.

 

 What style of online writing annoys you most?

It gt 2 b dis typ: cuz it showz dat dey is fik
ThIs TyPe: It JuSt LoOkS sTuPiD..
ALL CAPITALS: THE STYLE OF THE ATTENTION SEEKER!
Consistent proper English: We are not at school!

 

What is worse, being poor or alone?

Poor
Alone

 

How important is it to be able to ‘agree to disagree’?

Very important.
Somewhat important.
Not important.

 

In a relationship, who do you prefer to be taller?

I like to be taller.
I like my partner to be taller.
I like us to be about the same height.
It doesn’t matter to me.

 

 Do you think tall, skinny guys/gals are attractive?

Tall and skinny can be super sexy!
I guess, but I’d prefer a little meat on the bones
I don’t really have a preference either way
I’ve never been attracted to skinny

 

Do you get angry when you lose a game?

Usually
Sometimes
Never

 

Do you like hickies?

Yes
No

 

Would you ever use paper plates just to avoid doing dishes?

Yes
No

 

You’re in a serious, monogamous relationship when your partner gets offered their dream job overseas for three years. They have decided that it’s a chance they just can’t pass up. Which of these choices is most appealing to you?

Trying to arrange it so you can go with
Maintaining a long-distance relationship
Staying friends, dating around til they return
Breaking up and moving on

 

Of the following, which is your preferred method for expressing love to a partner?

Physical touch.
Talking, words of affirmation.
Gifts and meaningful gestures.
Acts of service/devotion.

 

 Protesting for civil rights issues is…

… just for pretentious snobs who want attention
… necessary, but it’s just not for me
… somewhat important, but not for all issues
… something that I actively participate in

 

How good is your singing voice?

Really awesome, actually
Very good
Okay
Crappy
I have absolutely no talent in music. I can’t even clap and sing at the same time. I am turned on by those who can!

 

If an otherwise perfect match gave you an ultimatum to become a vegetarian, what would you do?

Comply – Become a vegetarian.
Rebel – This would be a deal breaker.
I actually am vegan, but I probably wouldn’t smile if someone insisted that I change my lifestyle, regardless of how I lived it.
Smile – I’m already a vegetarian.

 

 Would you be willing to date someone who plays video games almost every day, for at least 2 hours?

Yes, I’d be playing with them.
Yes, but I would not play that much.
Yes, but I don’t like video games.
No.

 

If someone asked you, “What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?” would you know the answer right away?

Yes
No
Most people seem to answer yes on this. Now I feel like I’m the only person who’s never secretly murdered anyone.

 

Would you like to “live hard, die fast, and leave a beautiful corpse”?

Yes
No

 

If given the choice of a lifelong relationship with someone you would love but never have a lustful “spark” for or a few years of intense passion with someone you would love intensely, which would you choose?

A lifetime in a comfortable relationship.
A few years of intense love.

 

Could you date someone who has terrible taste when it comes to music?

Yes
No

 

When looking for a mate, do you feel that it’s the other person’s job to prove himself or herself to you?

Yes
No

 

On average, do you think people of the world are too sexually repressed, not repressed enough, or just about right?

People are too sexually repressed.
People are too promiscuous.
People are just about right.

 

 Do you prefer sex rough or gentle?

Rough
Gentle
I enjoy both equally

 

Foot fetish?

Yes, I have a foot fetish!
No, I don’t have a foot fetish

 

Do you imagine you’re louder than average (for someone your gender) during sex?

Yes, I’m louder
No

 

Have you ever gotten, or would you ever get, a piercing below the belt?

I have.
I would.
I wouldn’t.

 

Do you see a pattern in the type of people you usually end up in relationships with?

Yes
Three: tall and blond(e), letters of first and last names match, or pretty and destructive.
No

 

How do you feel about government-subsidized food programs (free lunch, food stamps, etc.)?

No problem
People on all levels of society abuse the system, but especially those who are rewarded ridiculously high tax benefits at the very top. The cliche of a poor family who qualifies for food stamps and also buys a large flat screen tv, or whatever the form of escapism is – I’d feel bad for, tv sucks. I just have little hope that besides surviving, anyone on the bottom who skims from the government is benefitting at all to the extent that those who save thousands and thousands from loopholes do at the very top.
It’s okay, if it is not abused
Okay for short amounts of time
Never – Get a job

 

Have you ever used a fake ID to do or acquire something you were legally barred from as a result of your age?

Yes
No

 

Are you a cat person or a dog person?

Cats
Dogs
Both
Neither

 

Would you ever consider having a friendship based primarily on sex, with no intentions for love, romance, or long-term commitment?

Yes
No

 

A person you have no special feelings for sends you a loveletter confessing he/she has a crush on you. What would your reaction be?

Share it with your friends for a good laugh
Throw it away or ignore it
If you want to pursue me, be more bold. Stalk me. See how I’d react. Don’t be a wuss about it.
Write back, telling him/her you’re not interested
Date him/her, maybe you’ll change your mind

 

Do you like to spend time with your friends and partner together or only separately?

I like for us all to hang out together.
I like to keep the two separated.
I’m not sure/I don’t care.
I like to do both more or less equally.

 

Do you believe that morality is completely relative?

Yes
No
A little / I’m not sure

 

If your partner needed lovemaking to always be gentle, would you be fine with this?

Yes
No

 

If a significant other told you that they had two-way communication with the spirit of a dead relative, would you believe them?

Yes
No

 

Have you ever cybered (had cybersex)?

Yes
No

 

Have you ever quit a job without giving at least a week notice?

Yes
No

 

Have you ever played Dungeons and Dragons?

Yes
No

 

Do you like to wear sexy underwear?

Yes
No

 

Do you ever feel socially awkward?

Yes
No

 

Someone has deep feelings for you. Might you abuse this love purely for sex?

Yes
No

 

Imagine you are on a first date and accidentally discover your date is packing condoms. Which would be closest to your reaction?

I’d tease them about it.
I’d acknowledge it, but politely.
I’d pretend I didn’t see it.
I’d end the date.

 

Can just one person significantly change the world?

Yes
No

 

Genital piercings?

Make me hot.
Ouch, no thanks.
No opinion.

 

Does silence make you uncomfortable?

Yes
No
Depends on the situation

 

If given the chance, would you rather learn to play a musical instrument or learn to speak another language?

Play a musical instrument.
Speak another language.
Neither.

 

Would you date someone who has served considerable time in prison?

Yes
No

 

Would you date someone purely on the fact that they were well endowed?

Yes
No
Depends on how ‘well’ we are talking!

 

Do you like the idea of having a partner bathe you?

Yes.
No.
I’m not sure.

 

Does netspeak (e.g., afk, brb, lol, rotfl, ttyl, etc.) bother you?

Yes.
No.
Some of the time – It depends.
I don’t know.

 

Do superficial people, who place a high emphasis on physical appearance, annoy you?

Yes
No
Sometimes

 

Do you think that a person’s musical preferences are a good indicator of intelligence?

Yes
No

 

Do you care about other people’s suffering?

Yes, solidarity is important
No, everyone has their own responsibility
It depends on the kind of suffering

 

Do you have a dark and morbid sense of humor?

Yes
No
Occasionally

 

Is it possible to love someone you don’t even like?

Yes
No

 

When you get take-out food, do you usually eat out of the provided containers or transfer the food to dishes?

I usually eat out of the take-out containers.
I usually put the food in appropriate dishes.
It depends upon the specifics.
I don’t eat take-out.

 

Have you ever given out a wrong phone number to politely reject someone?

Yes
No

 

 On average, which best describes how often you GET WICKED DRUNK?

Twice a week or more
Weekly / Bi-Weekly
Once every month or three.
Seldom or never.

 

Are you Jewish?

Yes
No

 

 Do you enjoy intellectual debates on topics like politics, religion, science, or philosophy?

I love to argue!
Sometimes.
It’s usually boring or annoying.
I’m not smart enough.

 

Would you prefer to have one true love forever, or lots of fun and meaningful relationships?

One true love
Lots of relationships

 

How often do you use profane language?

Never
Once in a while
Often
Almost always

 

How long do you believe people need to be in a relationship before getting married?

At least 2 years
At least 1 year
At least 6 months
Less than 6 months / no requirement

 

Do you usually feel the need to shower or bathe after having sex?

Yes.
No.
I’ve never had sex.

 

Do you store any of your physical possessions alphabetically?

Yes
No

 

Could you easily obtain illegal drugs through your social network?

Yes.
No.
Only marijuana.

 

Are you really into Anime (Japanese Animation) movies?

Yes
No

 

Have you ever faked an orgasm during sex?

Yes
No

 

Which do you prefer?

Shower
Bath
It depends

 

Would you date someone who was currently in a relationship, knowing that you would “be a secret”?

Sure, why not?
Depends on the person.
Absolutely not.

 

How do you feel about Comic Sans?

Comic Sans is Awesome!
Comic Sans is okay, I guess.
Comic Sans is the worst font ever.
Don’t know/Don’t care.

 

Do you have any “extreme” piercings (this includes anything other than ears, nose, or navel)?

Yes
No

 

Which is more respectable, a sense of responsibility towards others, or a willful sense of individualism?

Responsibility
Individualism

 

Imagine you have a regular sex partner, but you cannot seem to help them achieve orgasm. Would this bother you?

Yes
No

 

If you could kill all the mosquitoes in the world in an instant, would you do it?

Yes!
No
I’m not sure

 

Do you enjoy all-you-can-eat buffets?

Yes
No

 

Are you a morning person?

Yes
No

 

If you had to choose between spending a weekend hiking and camping or going to Broadway shows with the same friends, which would you choose?

Camping.
Broadway.
I would be happy with either.
I would rather stay home.

 

How ticklish are you?

Extremely.
Somewhat.
Just a little bit.
Not at all.

 

 Do you believe there is some unique human quality that separates us from animals?

Yes, and it was given to us by God
Yes, but it has nothing to do with God
No, we are just animals
I dont know

 

Is there a point in a relationship where it can get “too serious”?

Yes
No

 

If you were to receive one month’s salary as a gift, which of the following would come to mind first?

Save it.
Spend it.
Pay off debt.

 

Would you consider dating someone whose religion or spirituality is the primary focus in their life?

Yes
No

 

How would you feel if a significant other forgot your birthday, nameday, anniversary, or something else similarly important to you?

Indifferent.
Disappointed.
Annoyed.
Angry.

 

Do you laugh when somebody trips and falls?

Yes, almost always
No, almost never
Occasionally

 

Do you blush easily?

Yes
No
No way I’m tough.

 

 You’re early in a relationship and your significant other begins crying. You have no idea what prompted it. What do you do?

Gently prompt them to talk with me.
Remain quiet and open to discussion if requested.
Begin edging slowly toward the door.
Sigh exasperatedly. Why me?

 

Have you shaved your head anytime in the last 5 years?

Yes
No

 

Your significant other is traveling and has the opportunity to stay with a good friend that you know they find to be very attractive. What’s your stance on the situation?

It would be totally unacceptable.
It might be ok, but I’d want to discuss it first.
It’s fine – I don’t see any problem.
It sounds sexy – Hopefully they’ll hook up.

 

Setting random things (non-living) on fire just to watch them burn is:

Amazing amounts of fun
Worth doing when bored
Unsafe and stupid
Wasteful and stupid

 

Do you believe you could eventually fall in love with someone whom you have no initial physical attraction to?

Yes
No

 

How often are you open with your feelings?

Always
Usually
Rarely
Never

 

Would you radically alter your appearance (hair, clothes, body modifications) for your significant other?

Yes
No way!
I’m not sure, it depends…

 

You have plans to hang out with some friends, but a person you have recently begun dating calls and asks you to do something for the night. Assuming you are still interested in this person, what do you say?

Yes. I’ll see my friends another time.
No, I’m busy. How about another time?
Sure, but let’s hang out with my friends.
I’ll do both somehow, but keep them separated.

 

Do people who frequently use lol annoy you?

Yes!
No.
It’s a little annoying, but I try to get past it.
I don’t know.

 

Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?

Yes
No

 

A college-level education is…

Necessary
Nice, but not mandatory
Unnecessary

 

 If you had to choose one for the rest of your life, which would you pick?

Monogamy
An open relationship
Polyamory
Playing the field

 

If you’re in a relationship you expect will last for the rest of your life, is it important to you that it be the most satisfying sexual relationship you have ever had?

Yes
No

 

About how long do you want your next relationship to last?

One night
A few months to a year
Several years
The rest of my life

 

 How important is a potential match’s sense of humor to you?

Very important.
Somewhat important.
Not important.

 

Would you consider dating a High School dropout?

Yes
Yes, if they are doing well
No

 

Do you think it is important to verbally ask a partner’s permission each time before physically touching them?

Yes
No

 

If you were buying a house or apartment to live in, how important would quiet be to you?

Very important.
Somewhat important.
Not important.

 

How much do other people’s opinions of you influence your decisions?

A lot
Some
Very little
Not at all

 

What is too big of an age gap between you and a partner?

5 years
10 years
15 years
Age is just a number

 

With respect to sex drive, which of the following has created problems in your prior relationships?

Having a partner with a greater sex drive.
Having a partner with a weaker sex drive.
Both of the above.
Neither of the above.

 

When someone speaks with a noticable accent, does that influence your opinion of their intelligence?

Yes.
No.
It depends upon the accent.

 

Which pubic hair style do you prefer for a partner?

Natural.
Neatly trimmed.
Completely shaven.
It doesn’t matter.

 

Would you consider connecting with someone whose relationship status is ‘seeing someone’ or ‘married’?

Yes to both
No to both
Yes to ‘seeing someone’ only
Yes to ‘married’ only

 

Imagine you have a partner who is able to provide financially for you and any children. Would you consider taking a stay-at-home role?

Yes
No

 

Do you ever make up stories to tell people, just for laughs?

All the time
Sometimes
Rarely
Never

 

Have you ever seen a ghost?

Yes
No

 

Do you believe in ghosts?

Yes
No

 

If you found a valuable item that you knew was lost by someone you dislike, would you return it to them?

Yes.
No, I’d take it for myself.
No, but I wouldn’t take it for myself.

 

Could you date someone who was very funny, but could never take anything seriously?

Yes
No

 

Would you be comfortable being poor for the rest of your life?

Yes
No

 

Does the idea of childbirth disgust you?

Yes
No

 

How often do you ‘take it out’ on other people when you’re having a bad day?

Always.
Frequently.
Occasionally.
Never.

 

Do you ever spit on the ground in public?

Yes
Sometimes things collect in my mouth while bikeriding…
No

 

Would you prefer to live in an old house with character and history or a brand spanking new one?

Old
New

 

If it were possible to change your gender instantly, painlessly, reversibly, and for free, would you?

Yes
No

 

Would you ever date someone who depended on their parents’ money?

Yes
No

 

Which is more effective, militant action or peaceful protest?

Militant action.
Peaceful protest.
It depends upon the situation.

 

Is just be yourself good advice?

Absolutely.
It’s vacuous. Who else can I be?
Not quite. I mind how I come off.
No. I misrepresent myself as needed.

 

Would you ever consider cutting a partner (who asked for it) in sexual play?

Yes
Maybe
No
I just don’t like the thought of getting in contact with someone’s blood or pus during sex, assuming the cutting or play comes before actual intercourse, which it usually does. If you want pain during a sex romp with your partner, why not drizzle chili sauce (or powder) on them and lick?

 

How much does physical attractiveness matter to you in a match?

A lot
A little
Not at all

 

 Should a woman be allowed to remove her shirt (so that her breasts are bare) in a public area like a beach or park if men are allowed to do so?

Yes, women & men should have the same freedoms
Yes, so long as children aren’t present.
No, that is vulgar.
I’m not sure.

 

How important to you is being with family during holidays?

Very important.
Somewhat important.
Not important.
I have no family.

 

Do you find arrogance to be a turn-on?

Yes
No

 

Are you okay with people who grow marijuana for their own personal use?

Yes
No

 

Some friends invite you to go camping where there are no showers, no toilets, and no services. The only luxuries would be those you could carry in a pack on your back. Do you go?

Yes
No

 

 Have you learned more about what you like sexually through long-lasting committed relationships or through casual intimacy with different people?

Long lasting committed relationships.
Casual intimacy with different people.
I’m not sexually experienced.

 

 Which of the following would you be most disturbed to find in a 13-year-old child’s room?

Condoms.
Illegal drugs.
Pornography.
Weapons.

 

Do you think you could ever enjoy being humiliated as part of a sexual experience?

Yes
No

 

 Regardless of where you grew up or now live, which of the following best describes the way you see yourself at heart?

I am an urban or city person.
I am a suburbanite.
I am small town or country person.

 

 Do you laugh out loud at television shows or movies even when you are alone?

Yes, of course.
No.

 

Have you ever blacked out from drunkenness?

Yes
No

 

If someone you barely knew asked you how many people you’d had sex with, would you answer?

Yes
No

 

Which of the following character flaws would you be least tolerant of in a potential partner?

Moodiness.
Dependency.
Jealousy.
Apathy.

 

Do you Google someone before a first date?

Yes. Knowledge is power!
No. Why spoil the mystery?

 

Imagine that you come home to find a partner pouring red wine all over a stranger’s naked body and then licking it off. Which, if any of the following, would bother you most?

The spilled wine.
The cheating.
The fact that I was not invited to join in.
Actually, this would not bother me.

 

When your partner does something that hurts your feelings, which of the following choices most closely resembles your reaction, most often?

Whatever it is, I do it silently.
I bring it to their attention immediately.
I will let it stew inside me for while, then talk.
I become passive aggressive or take revenge.

 

If you were to fall in love with someone who had a child, do you think you would be willing to love the child as your own?

Yes
No

 

Are you too lazy to go to the kitchen and make some real food?

Yes
No

 

Would you continue dating someone who openly found your friends disgusting?

Yes
No

 

Do you need to know about your partner’s previous sexual exploits?

Yes, because it reflects on them as a person.
No, the past is the past.

 

If your significant other actively participates in an activity that you are not really interested in, would you go to offer support if they wanted you to?

Yes, as often as I could.
Yes, I’d go occasionally.
Maybe once or twice, to say I did.
No, I would not.

 

 Do you have any tattoos?

Yes, I have more than one tattoo.
Yes, I have one tattoo.
No, but I want to get a tattoo.
No, and I have no interest in getting a tattoo.

 

Have you ever lived in a commune?

Yes, and I liked it.
Yes, but I did not like it.
No, and I’d never want to.
No, but I’d like to.

 

Would you ever engage in a sexual activity you didn’t enjoy, just because your partner did?

Yes
No

 

Do you think reptiles are cool?

Yes
No

 

 How many countries have you visited?

I have never left the country I live in now.
Between 2 and 5 countries.
Between 6 and 10 countries.
More than 10 countries.

 

You’re talking to an attractive person in a bar and almost everything they say is in some way connected to television or films. What does that make them?

Major geek. Bye.
Cool – I’m just the same
Doesn’t bother me

 

Do you have conversations with your pets?

Yes.
No.
I don’t have any pets.

 

In the sentencing of a convicted murderer, which of the following sentences would you be most likely to recommend?

Exile
Life in prison without the possibility of parole
Loss of limb
Death penalty

 

Would you date someone who used to have a problem with cutting themselves and have scars to prove it?

Yes
No
I’m Not Sure

 

Which do you like more? Be honest.

Giving massages
Receiving massages

 

All else the same, would you rather date someone rich or hot?

Rich
Hot

 

How would you act if you were MUCH better than a match at something he/she is passionate about?

I’d openly flaunt my superior skill
I’d downplay my skill to avoid upsetting him/her
I’d be enthusiastic about our shared interest
It depends on how secure or insecure he/she seems

 

Do you more easily fall in love or fall out of love?

I find it easier to fall in love.
I find it easier to fall out of love.
They’re about the same.
I don’t know.

 

 What do you think of the game of Rugby?

A game for savage barbarians
Cool, but not for me..
Can’t get enough of it!
I don’t know anything about it/I don’t care

 

Do you like going to amusement parks?

Yes
No

 

If your significant other has not reached the same educational level as you, is this a turn off?

Yes
No

 

 When men show extra courtesy toward women (opening doors, pulling out chairs, etc.), this is:

Admirable and desirable. Chivalry’s not dead
Unnecessary but appreciated
Sexist and insulting; women are perfectly capable
‘Extra’ courtesy for opening a door specifically for a woman implies sexism, and is very different than holding a door open for anyone. Those who find this difference to be desirable seem to also be conceding that standards for treatment and behavior should be sustained according to someone’s gender, which promotes discrimination.

 

Do you snort when you laugh?

Yes / sometimes
No / never

 

Would you cheat on your taxes, if you were absolutely 100% sure you could get away with it?

Yes
No

 

Do you ever date to avoid being alone?

Yes
No

 

Which of the following would you rather discuss with someone you just met?

Musical preferences.
Political beliefs.
Philosophical beliefs.
Sports.

 

Which would you rather lose?

the right to bear arms
the right to vote

 

Could you date someone who has strong political opinions that are the exact opposite of yours?

Yes
No

 

A billionaire falls in love with you and proposes marriage. You like them as a friend, but are neither in love nor attracted to them. Would you accept?

Definitely yes.
Probably yes.
Probably not.
Definitely not.

 

Have you had a girlfriend before?

Yes
No

 

As a kid, who did you like more, Bert or Ernie?

Bert
Ernie
I hated that show
I don’t know what you’re talking about

 

If you got married, would you change your name?

Yes
No

 

How important are academic achievements to you?

Very important.
Somewhat important.
Not important.

 

Do you kiss with your eyes open or closed?

Open.
Closed.
It depends.

 

Have you ever had sex with a person within the first hour of meeting them?

Yes
No

 

Would you ever date someone who’s had cosmetic surgery?

Yes
No

 

How would you feel about dating someone who left their long-time partner heartbroken and ruined to be with you?

What’s the problem?
I’d accept it, but not trust them fully.
No way!
I don’t know

 

It’s your first date with someone you recently met. At the end they say “I think I love you.”

Scary
Sweet
I’d get goosebumps and my eyes would roll behind my lids.

 

Would you date someone just for the sex?

Yes
No
Dating, to me, implies romance. I am too bad at feigning romance just to have sex with someone.

 

Do you like sex toys?

Yes
No

 

Does showering or bathing with your partner appeal to you?

Yes
No
Only bathing
Only showering

 

Do you believe a couple should live together before considering marriage?

Yes
No

 

Have you ever made a booty call (invited over or visited someone you were not actively in a relationship with, just for sexual activity)?

Yes, and I still do.
Yes, I have done it, but don’t any more.
No, and I never will.
No, but I suppose I might.

 

How do you feel about internet sex, also known as “cybering”?

It arouses me very much.
I don’t have an opinion.
I think it’s stupid.

 

Have you ever had to sleep on the streets, even for just one night?

Yes
No
I slept in the bed of my truck in Vegas once; I didn’t ‘have’ to.

 

Teasing:

Fantastic, make me a sexual martyr
Good in moderation, only if something comes of it
Not so fun
Horrible, the work of evildoers

 

Your significant other is perfectly content with their minimum wage job and has no plans to look for more challenging/better paying work. Is this a problem?

Yes, I wouldn’t be able to tolerate that.
Somewhat, but it’s their life.
No, I don’t mind.

 

Do you believe you’ve lived past lives?

Yes, I am confident I have.
No, I do not believe this is possible.
Maybe, but there is no way to really know.
I’ve done past-life hypnosis; I was a boxer, a seamstress, a priest, a warrior, a mesoamerican boy riding a pig, and a mammy who made gumbo.

 

 Are you more polite to strangers or friends?

Strangers.
Friends.
It’s not that I’d yell at someone but when I get a gratuitous comment directed towards me, and don’t know the person, I would more likely ignore it.
I’m equally polite to both.
I’m generally rude to both.

 

Do you often find yourself worrying about things that you have no control over?

Yes
No

 

How much body hair do you have?

A lot
Average
Very little / none

 

Do you think video or computer games are childish?

Yes
No

 

 Once you take a moral position, can anything be said or done to change your mind?

Yes, life is a big gray area anyway.
No, some things are just right or wrong.
Maybe. It depends on the issue.
Maybe, but it would take a lot.

 

How open are you to trying new things in bed?

Very open. I’ll try anything once.
I’m open, but I don’t get too crazy.
Hesitant, but it might happen.
Not at all.

 

Are open to the use of a strap-on?

Yes
No
Only with a female
Only with a male

 

 When you first talk online with someone, which of the following would you prefer to talk about?

Sex.
Politics or current events.
Activities.
Personal history or experiences.

 

Not as in whips and chains, but in general, do you prefer your partner to be…

Dominant
Submissive
Balanced

 

Are you at all attracted to people who are less intellectually or professionally motivated than you?

Yes, sure
No

 

I talk about my previous relationships:

All the time
Occasionally
Almost never, unless explicitly asked about them.
Never, even if explicitly asked about them.

 

Does it bother you when people say “PIN number” or “ATM machine”?

Yes!
Well, a little
Nope, but I see why you’re asking
Why would it?

 

Do you like kissing in public?

Yes
No

 

Would you describe yourself as sexy?

Yes
No

 

Do you try to draw attention to your body by wearing seductive clothing?

Yes
No

 

Which of the following types of toys did you generally like best when you were about eight years old?

Creative / building toys.
Action figures, dolls, or model vehicles.
Stuffed animals.
Balls, frisbees, or other sporting goods.

 

 What is your position on hunting?

I approve of hunting for food and sport.
I approve of hunting for food only.
I do not approve of hunting at all.

 

 Who are you more worried about disappointing?

God
My family or friends
Myself
I don’t worry about such things

 

Would you consider flirting with a traffic cop to avoid getting a ticket?

Yes
No

 

 Do you like to play drinking games?

Yes, they’re awesome!
No, I think they’re lame
Not really, but I will on occasion
No, I don’t drink

 

Do you like cats? Would you consider owning a cat as a pet?

Yes, I would love (or do own) a cat.
I’m not too into them, but I wouldn’t mind one.
No, I dislike cats.
I like them, but I’m allergic.

 

Do you flake out on social invitations?

Sometimes
Rarely / Never

 

It’s okay to be arrogant and snobbish if you know you’re right.

Yes
No
Sometimes
I don’t know

 

Have you ever had sex in a place where there was a high risk of being caught?

Yes
No, but it sounds like fun
No, I don’t think I could do it

 

Would you consider inviting someone to bed with you for clearly-stated non-sexual purposes (e.g., cuddle and sleep only) on a first date?

Yes
No

 

Could you date someone who was really messy?

Yes
No

 

Are you an aspiring actor/artist/writer or other creative type?

Yes
No

 

Would you need to know the sexual history, beyond 6 months back, of someone you dated?

Yes
No

 

Would you consider having a relationship with someone who is very serious about a religion that is not mainstream?

Yes
No

 

Biting?

No
Yes
Let’s break skin

 

Say you’re with someone you really care about, and they reveal their deepest, darkest secret. Which of the following would be most likely to scare you away?

A sexual fetish.
A bad temper.
A mild mental illness.
A history of bad credit.

 

How well do you sleep when you’re in unfamiliar surroundings?

Better than usual.
The same as usual.
Worse than usual.

 

 Is intelligence a turn on?

Yes!
Somewhat.
Intelligence does nothing for me either way.
Intelligence turns me off.

 

Does violence ever solve anything?

Yes, everything
No, violence solves nothing
Most of the time
Almost never, but sometimes

 

Would you date someone who kept a gun in the house?

Yes
No

 

Would you have a sexual relationship with a friend even if you both knew you were romantically incompatible?

Yes
No

 

If your partner were to provide you with a meal, which would you appreciate more?

My partner cooking my favourite meal.
My partner taking me to my favorite restaurant.
Neither – I would appreciate both equally.

 

 How are you most likely to show your partner you care?

Words: Tell them how much you appreciate them
Actions: Do something nice
Gifts: Buy them flowers, jewelry or a new gadget
Touch: Give them a hug, massage or kiss

 

Upon first meeting, would you be most attracted to a person who:

Exudes overt sexuality
Is witty and charming
Is mysterious and elusive
Is the smartest duck in the room

 

Would you run into a burning building to rescue your pet?

Yes, without a doubt
No, it’s only an animal
I’m not sure/Depends on the conflagration
I don’t have a pet

 

Imagine that after becoming romantically involved with someone, they reveal that they formerly earned a living as a prostitute. How would you react to this new information?

Positively.
Negatively.
Indifferently.

 

If you were going to throw a party, which of the following sounds most appealing?

Wine and cheese.
Cocktails and hors d’oeuvres.
Beer and barbeque.
Anything without alcohol.

 

What is the most exciting thing about getting to know someone new?

Discovering your shared interests
Discovering their body

 

 Imagine that you have a particular sexual desire you would like to satisfy with a significant other, but they are unwilling to help you fulfill it. How would this affect your relationship?

It would end the relationship.
I would continue only if satisfied elsewhere.
I would manage without it if all else is good.
It wouldn’t; sex just isn’t that important to me.

 

Would you consider dating someone who plans to remain celibate indefinitely?

Yes
No

 

Do you believe in an energy field that surrounds us that we can manipulate through reiki, acupuncture, chakra balancing, yoga, or some other system?

Yes, and I practice one/some of these.
Yes, but I don’t practice any of these.
No, but I do practice one/some of these.
No, and I would never practice any of these.

 

Imagine that you are in an uncommitted relationship with someone you have grown to deeply care about. They begin to date someone else who seems to make them happier than you do. Which would you do?

Bow out.
Try harder to win their love.
Continue as before.

 

Did you join OkCupid just so you could find people to have sex with?

Yes
No

 

 Would you date someone who doesn’t own a car?

Yes
I don’t own one and prefer not to be in one either!
No

 

When having sex, do you like to have your hair pulled?

Yes, and hard!
Yes, but gently.
No way.
Not sure.

 

Are you out to your coworkers and/or other random acquaintances?

Completely
Partially
Not at all

 

How does the idea of being slapped hard in the face during sex make you feel?

Horrified
Aroused
Nostalgic
Indifferent

 

Could you live without the Internet?

Yes
No

 

When you’re not in a serious relationship, what do you prefer?

Dating multiple people at once
Dating one person at a time
I only have serious relationships; I don’t ‘date’

 

 Do you keep your sexual exploits private?

Yes, always.
No, I am an open book.
Sometimes.

 

How do you handle a first date that is going horribly wrong?

Get up and leave.
Grin and bear it, counting the seconds.
Try to make it as pleasant as possible.
Say something to make your date get up and leave.

 

Do you believe in second chances when it comes to romantic relationships?

Yes, it may work out in another time/place.
No, it didn’t work the first time, it never will
Depends on the relationship

 

 Do you wear a helmet when riding a bicycle?

Yes, all the time
Yes, some of the time
Rarely or never
I don’t ride bicycles

 

What type of humor do you enjoy most?

Ribald, crude, debasing
Witty, tongue-in-cheek
Slapstick, physical, farce
Sarcastic

 

Are you totally anti-war?

Yes
No

 

Would you need to sleep with someone before you considered marrying them?

Yes
No

 

 Would you date somebody who was a virgin at the age of 25?

Yes, definitely
Only if they were willing to give it up
No

 

 When you are angry or frustrated do you ever throw, smash, kick, or hit inanimate objects?

Yes, frequently
Sometimes
Used to, but not any more
Never

 

 How do you feel about women openly displaying tattoos?

I Like It
I Don’t Mind
I Dislike It

 

How interested would you be in knowing the details of a partner’s sexual history?

Very interested.
Somewhat interested.
Not interested.

 

 Would you consider using drugs prescribed by a psychiatrist to improve your personality?

Yes
No

 

Should recreational drugs be legalized, regulated, and taxed?

Yes
No
I’m not sure

 

 If mind-altering drugs were proven to be good for your body and still got you high, would you take them?

Yes
No
Maybe

 

 Could you date someone who does drugs?

No
Yes, but only soft stuff like marijuana
Yes

 

 What’s your deal with harder drugs (stuff beyond pot)?

I do drugs regularly.
I do drugs occasionally.
I’ve done drugs in the past, but no longer.
I never do drugs.

 

During what console generation did you enjoy video games the most?

NES – SNES, Genesis
N64, Playstation 1
Playstation 2, Xbox, Gamecube
PS3, Xbox 360, Wii

 

 Have you had a boyfriend before?

Yes
No

 

A difference of opinion over which of the following topics would most likely make you think twice about dating someone?

Abortion
Politics
Death Penalty
None of these would.

 

Would you date someone who was always optimistic?

Yes
No

 

 Should governments control population by placing legal limits on childbearing?

Yes.
No, that violates human rights.
No, that is against my spiritual beliefs.
No, for other reasons.

 

 Could you date someone who loved you with all their heart, and whom you liked a lot, but who was terrible in bed?

Yes
No
I’m Not Sure

 

 Would you rather play Scrabble, go out dancing, or get drunk?

Scrabble
Dancing
Booze

 

 What’s more important to you?

Your world
Your country

 

Have you ever dated a woman?

Yes
No

 

Divide your age by 2. Have you had sex with at least that many people?

Yes
No

 

Can you remember the names of everyone you’ve ever had sex with?

Yes.
No.
I’ve never had sex with anyone.

 

 Could you date someone who was really quiet?

Yes
No

 

 Would you pay for porn?

Yes.
No.
Only if I couldn’t get it for free.
I’m not interested in porn.

 

Do you ever want to punch people you don’t know, right in the face, for superficial reasons (the way they grin, their clothes, their voice, etc.)?

Every day
It happens, but not often
Never

 

 Ideally, what portion of your total hobbies and other recreational activities would you like to share as common with a partner?

All.
None.
Up to one-half.
More than one-half.

 

Board games?

What are board games?
I love boardgames, let’s go play.
Boardgames are okay, I guess.
I’d rather do something else.

 

Do you know the first name of every person you’ve ever made out with?

Yes
No

 

 What is the worst personality trait someone can have?

Arrogance
Being boring
Immaturity
No sense of humor

 

You are interested in someone, and you discover that they were a nerd in high school. How does this affect your opinion of them?

Favorably.
Unfavorably.
It makes no difference.
Most people I’ve met, regardless of how many friends they have or sports they’ve played, consider themselves to be a nerd in high school.

 

Do you prefer a partner to be more masculine or more feminine?

More masculine.
More feminine.
Average.
It would vary depending upon their gender.

 

Do you think that people should be allowed to marry more than one person at a time?

Yes
No
I don’t know

 

Do you mind when people crack their knuckles?

Yes, it bothers me a lot.
Yes, but occasionally is fine.
No, I think it’s okay.
No, I crack mine all the time!

 

To you, which adjective best describes hopeless, unrequited love?

Romantic
Foolish
Creepy

 

Is it okay to answer your cell phone while out with a friend or on a date?

Of course. Why wouldn’t it be?
Friend, yes. Date, no.